Husband being hateful and cruel. Is this a stage?

[AJM]

He told me because talking to him gets us nowhere. He has to learn this lesson the hard way.

Yep. This is his lesson. You may very well have done nothing wrong. Nothing that deserves this kind of "punishment". I call it that, but then again, it's too early to see if you are the lucky one or not. You'll see what I mean later in the process. You'll have to trust me on that for now.

Your BIL is correct. The rest of it? There will come a time when the reasons no longer matter except to help you gain perspective and understand this is not about you. For starters, try not to guess what H knows or doesn't know or what he thinks. His thoughts are likely so ambivalent and confused, that even he may not know at any given moment. Your BIL was right that you cannot talk to him. You can throw words at him, but they will bounce away in a perverted version of a ricochet that will not help.

Keep in mind that anger is not a bad thing. Even aimed at your husband or MIL. It helps you. And that is not a trivial thing. Just don't go over the top, and don't do it for the wrong reasons. And whatever you do, don't get stuck angry. Work through it.

God's plans are mysterious. His time is never imperfect. Our task is to be patient and faithful. The rest will take care of itself in ways we cannot see at this point in time. The time is always now, never tomorrow or yesterday. Focus on today and focus on you and Daughter. Let H worry about himself because that's the only way through this for anyone involved.

AJ