Db not working, MLC spouse pushing D

[foreverhesaid]

Thanks for asking, Snodderly. I suppose I am like most people here, I'm on the roller coaster for sure. When he is gone I do pretty well, I guess I have detached enough that he doesn't bother me as much when I don't have to see him. When he is home, I still get to see him writing emails to OW (he thinks he's being sneaky) and have a very hard time dealing with the anger.

There are times that I catch myself thinking, "At least when he's gone I won't have to worry about xxxxxxx" like a large bill at the liquor store since H indulges every night when he self medicates. However, I also know that I will miss him terribly once he is completely gone, and am realistic enough to realize that I would exchange the liquor costs for having him in my life in a heartbeat. I guess despite the anger I still try to enjoy what time I do have with him, and try to find the positive things when we interact.

Overall when I look ahead I don't see his relationship with OW lasting, he's still got his issues and the whole infidelity/3rd husband's the charm thing I don't think will work out. Also I plan on going completely dark when he is moved out and that may shake him up a bit. Will it cause him to pursue our relationship again? No idea, except he is full of pride and I could see that stopping him.

I often feel like I'm living with a ghost, hes just a pale sad shadow of the man I married.