I asked my H the WHY, why didn't you tell me that you were unhappy, why didn't you tell me before the affair that we need to fix such and such or you will leave? His reply: "I don't give ultimatums"...
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
I asked my H the WHY, why didn't you tell me that you were unhappy, why didn't you tell me before the affair that we need to fix such and such or you will leave? His reply: "I don't give ultimatums"...
Heard it before, and we'll hear it again when somebody else posts it. It's about not taking ownership for their role in the poor communications that lead to marital problems let alone taking ownership for the affair which they did all by themselves.
Stop pursuing this avenue. You aren't going to get any answers that way.
The affair made your H feel good, and that's all that mattered when he got involved in the thing. The affair is not in any way your fault.
The poor communications were probably partly your fault, but look at what your H is telling you : you should have read my mind.
You can't read minds, he can't read minds, and only people who fool themselves believe they can read minds.
M-47,W-40,No kids D-filed 5/27/2010 Piecing - 10/21/2010 -=Soon to be banned=-
TH - Very well said...of course you are right...mind reading...poor communication....it's just mind boggling because all of the valid "problems" that he brought up after the affair were quite easily fixable if both partners wanted to. In addition he is of course inventing many "problems" that never existed before.
And the "ultimatum" conversation happened soon after the bomb...I don't even go there anymore....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Before I start, let me say that I KNOW this means nothing, so no kindly jabs, OK? LOL Just journaling: H has been nice these last few days, we've been fooling around on emails and being friendly with each other.
I just miss my friend so much, it's nice to know he's in there somewhere, ya know?
M&H - happy that you are having few better days with H...I know that you know better then to read to much into it at this stage. The old him is in there somewhere...and that's good to know, right?
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
Oh, yeah, Mila. Thanks for stopping by today. I can see you're really feeling down, and if you could see things from the outside, you'd feel a bit better. I'm so sorry for what he's putting you through.
I know it means nothing, but knowing my old H is in there somewhere does give a bit of hope. Maybe 1/2 of 1% of a chance, but something.
I know she's been around since 2000 and her H was in MLC for 6 years??? (May have that wrong) - they were D by the time he came through...
She had said that when he came through, she would post those things she learned from him.
Did she do that? And if so, can someone point me to that thread?
I'm interested to hear what happened in the end. You get bits and pieces throughout the forum and it'd be nice to put it all together, ya know? LOL Thanks.
Yes, I have been here since January 2000. Yes, I am very much divorced and he has never come through to the other side. He is one of those that is committed to remaining stuck. He's had some good days, but he's still very much a teenager and quite frankly never grew up and learned what was important in the severe crisis mode.
What happened in the end? It is still a work in progress for him. Before you ask....no I would never consider taking him back. I wrote about him quite a bit back in 2005, right after my bil was tragically killed. Rip Van Winkle's Awakening will shed some light on what I had to deal with. I haven't updated Rip's story in quite a while because there isn't anything new to report and I have very little contact w/him these days. I've moved on...
Bottom line...I'm divorced and quite happy w/my life. My story was not the type of success story most want to hear, but in the end, I was a survivor and that is a success story in and of itself after what I went through.
