Had to break up todays "session" into two parts, as WAW had to take DD to a DR's appt. First part STILL filled with a ton of venom, resentment and anger towards me. STILL accusing me of things that simply never happened. I swear it feels like she's trying to see just how hard she can push my buttons to get the " typical reaction" , if I bite my tongue any harder Im gonna bite it off !!
This is DEFINETLY going to be a LONG "battle" for sure. The worst part is feeling that the more time she spends with OM, the worse my chances become of getting her back. She still has agreed to meet once a month with our counselor to work on our communication problems ( for the kids ) but its certainly going to have the side effect of helping us.
I did get a chance to mention that there are limits to what Im willing to tolerate as far as her wanting my help and my refusal to be treated like a doormat. Didnt get a reply to that as time was short. We're supposed to pick it back up again when she gets back from DR's appt. But that will probably only be maybe two hours of talk time, which Im sure will virtually fly by.
Seems her "anger" she expressed to me the other night about me " finally waking up " really wasnt the " second guessing " on her part that I had ascribed to it and was simply her just being pissed off at me still. Thats disappointing to be sure, because it really came across as a slight crack appearing. Seems she is determined to hold on to her anger for a very long time(which is actually normal for her TBH). But knowing that certainly makes me feel quite hopeless that I can turn things around.
For the summer we have the kids splitting time, alternating weeks with each of us. Counselor didnt seem to think it was out of line for me to request she have dinner with me and the kids at least one night of those alternating weeks, didnt get the chance to bring it up but will when we resume session in an hour.
In another couple weeks it will be a full two months since things exploded and roughly a month since she effectively moved out. Feels like its been forever!! And the ironic thing is we always joked with amazement when things were good about how it really never felt like we had been together as long as we had, as in " we werent getting stale " Guess at least one if us was fooling ourselves.
Got that "greasy" sick feeling in my stomach right now.....
