SR, if you are still working with Larry my advice is to not contaminate that with strategies here...
If I had to guess his hoarding money is
1. Passive aggressive - he's feeling guilt from the affair and wants to act out 2. He may be buying OW expensive guifts 3. He may be experiencing reverse mistrust.. He may think YOU are hoarding money so he's cutting back to offset what he thinks YOU may be planning
THose are guesses... could be other reasons... but those are all possible...
I'm thinking it's #3 - he has gone to such extremes of late to keep information from me that it's ridiculous. Everything from hiding his wallet, office & car keys whenever he's away from them for more than a few minutes (shower, lawn work) to taking his briefcase to horseback and Knights of Columbus meetings so I won't look in it while he's gone.
It's insane, really - being a kinder and gentler WH on one hand yet ridiculously suspicious on the other. This is wearing me out...
He's addicted, addicts don't trust anyone... except the OW of course...
How's things going with Larry's program?
You can read the protection phase ebook while trying out Larry's program, just don't act on any of it... it will be a very different perspective from Larry's approach... be mindful not to contaminate the program until its run its course... If it works out, that's great, if it doens't, then you can try Penny Tupy's program if you like... the two will NOT mix well
Abou the money... for me... I would just open up a credit card using his income listed (since you are a family). I would document everything like crazy and start charging everything so that you have a document for the courts in the future if necessary. That or get a part time job. Seriously, documentation is key here- I would try to figure out all his finances and get to the bottom of this, see if he is hording and why.
I guess I am very curious as to why you want a man that is so abusive to you. I would seriously consider filing for a seperation so that you have access to money again.
Last edited by june72; 06/16/1005:24 PM.
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
June, SR is experimenting with a specific program right now to end the affair... I think SR should stick to that program for the next few weeks rather than contaminating it with alternative approaches...
I agree with you June that the law should be looked into and such IF this program doenst' pan out...
I consider separation exposure too... people always find out why a person has moved out... and SR's husband can't stop her from moving out...
M38, H37 S3, S7 Together 15 yrs Married 8 yrs Bomb July 2008 Inhouse separation "I hate you" "We are over" (too many times to count) Reconciled Sept 2009 (still worth it)
If you want a sample SR of Penny's reasoning check out MC's thread, i put a small excerpt of the book there for her to understnad why her stopping to chat with him at his car is a bad idea... please give it a read, it will apply to you just as much in my opinion
Thanks Allen and June! Appreciate the input (and sympathetic ears!)
Just got off another call with Larry. The money move - as frustrating as it is - is part of the addiction, part of the test to try and run me off. Men behaving badly, MLC/WH style. We have officially reached the "two steps forward, three steps back" part of the program, folks.
Unfortunately, it will get worse before it gets better.
If I get all worked up about it, he wins. If I remain calm, cool, and collected - in spite of his antics - he'll have no choice but to stop. Newton's Law.
"For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction."
If he can't GET a reaction, he'll stop acting. Or he'll take his venom/antics elsewhere. Most likely candidate? OW. Since she had me arrested for sending her a nasty email, it should be interesting to see THAT fallout...LOL!
In the meantime, I will check into his legal obligations financially. Knowing his family history of hoarding money, it's better to be safe than sorry --
