Please.. in detail.. explain why. Yes.. it is a test. Wanna see how much you have learned.
it was too early to knock. the wound is still fresh (based on the financial statement, i should have known that he's still angry.) pursuing someone when they want to get away from you, will just make them run further and faster away. also the goal is to have him come to me.
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I suspect that this is what got you into trouble in the first place.
that i don't know. perhaps he felt like i didn't need him (pursuing = needing)?
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Tell me about your friends. Pick the top two.. not your H.. and explain what is important to you.. about them. How did you meet them.. why are you still friends?
oh boy. this is a tough one because there are many who i would put in the top two (and h sometimes wouldn't come close to being in the top 2).
victor is someone who worked with my brother. he graduated the same year as i did - from the same college. i didn't know him during college but i met him through my brother and we became friends. really good friends. we loved cars, exchanged business ideas, and he was a real 'player'. he had a colorful dating life. i've known him for about 14 yrs now. he saw me through every phase of my relationship with my h. he was so happy for me when my h and i started dating. he was the first person i called when i was d-bombed. he's still baffled by what has happened to me. but he encourages me all the time. telling me that whoever ends up with me will be a very lucky guy. he's like a big brother to me. victor is married with two kids. he loves his kids. his wife knows about my friendship with victor. and she's not threatened by me. i'm not blonde and 6 ft tall.
second friend would be josh. we met online via a science academy bbs. we found that we were entering college in the fall and in the same engineering program. yes, we were geeks. josh is really smart. we got in trouble with the school computer admin because we were hacking our accounts. the admin threatened me with suspension and they only slapped him on the wrist! i was so mad. like victor, he loved cars. i remember he called me the day his sports car was stolen right out of his garage. i felt so bad for him. to this day, we are still really good friends. i was one of two friends he invited to his wedding. his wife should be giving birth to their first child any day now. why is he important to me? i learn a lot from him.
these guys are both my best friends because i've known them longer than i've known my h.
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You will be D and bitter. Most likely you will go onto another R and do exactly the same thing.
this is why she believes i need more intensive therapy. i believe it to be true as well. i think i'm bitter and if there is another r, i would be asking for a pre-nup. is that the right way to start off a new m? imo, no. if i need a pre-nup from someone, then there are obvious trust issues. would i do this again if i end up d-ing? no. as if i'm not angry enough right now. and would i want to put myself through this again? no.
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You have to be smart enough to see when to take it.. and when to give it! This is a reset button for control 99.9% of the time. It is very effective.
you'll have to teach me about this. because i'm fogged by my own anger.
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Don't really care what his reasons are. I can't imagine him wanting to control damage from someone he really hates.
damage control for him is to save his own reputation. he's known as the guy who dumped the good girl. for whatever reason (ie. infidelity), it doesn't look good for him. he's just acting like mr. nice guy right now but just wait until we're in mediation. he's not nice when it's just me and him. like i said, playing nice at badminton doesn't give me the warm and fuzzies. i just get suspicious. he could be testing me. but to me, it's more of an ulterior motive. no good can come of this.
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If that is his goal.. he will be surprised at the outcome. We have played this game alot. I personally have been thru so many things with people here.. that there is just not much that will surprise me.
ok. but i always suspected that he was going to thwart my efforts.
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If you feel like you are going to fail. Don't fail in front of him.
