The newspaper will want something solid... They don't want to get their arse sued... It would be a great story, but they would need some serious evidence before they wrote anything
*Copies of Victoria's Secrets invoices of items sent from his work address to her home address
*Months of text and cell phone records showing number and duration of calls and texts between them (most texts from 11p-2a, after I'd gone to sleep)
*Video of her dropping him off on the side street 2 houses away
*Recording of conversation she and I had where I confronted her about gifts, texting, etc. She admitted everything. I asked her why she hadn't filed a sexual harassment lawsuit against him and she said she didn't think it was necessary. (She does not know I recorded that conversation...)
*Copy of police report where she admitted that WH wanted to sleep with her but she'd "kept it professional" and he admitted that he favored OW and had shown her preferential treatment over other grad students.
No pics of them "in the act," but certainly enough to show that at the very least, they violated university policy...
You know, Red, since you have already tried exposing in a fullblown manner and it backfired, I think it would be going down a "cheeseless tunnel" to do it AGAIN!
(sorry Allen- did you read what happened to Red the last time? )
So now everyone knows your H and the grad student are having an EA/PA (whatever it is). It hasn't stopped the A.
I, too, am intrigued with Larry's program and am eager to see what results you get! let's see...2 more weeks until 30 days right? So far it seems like you are seeing changes in your H! It's exciting.
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Yes I read newmama... but I would not reccomend exposing TO the OW, she knows what she's doing...
Exposure is a complex tactic... I would not have reccomended sending an anonymous email to the OW with a video of her driving WS H home... That to my mind isnt' exposure...
I am thinking of something more public and less direct, as well as legal.
It's not a matter of everyone KNOWING, its a matter of them KNOWING the detail...
To everyone's mind its just a scandalous activity that everyone's tryign to cover up or pretend isn't happening...
To my mind that's NOT an exposed affair... It's a suppressed one...
Lets first see what Larry can do... it's been three years now and I would like to think those two are fighting a lot... which means a more gentler tactic at home may have some impact...
I like to be optimistic so lets not contaminate the experiment and keep focussing on larry for now...
Just understand the exposure that's been done so far to my mind wasn't the most effective route...
To everyone's mind its just a scandalous activity that everyone's tryign to cover up or pretend isn't happening...
To my mind that's NOT an exposed affair... It's a suppressed one...
Just understand the exposure that's been done so far to my mind wasn't the most effective route...
I agree. I created a scandal and earned the contempt of WH and OW. They've lied to cover their tracks and pinned the crazy/jealous/loser wife badge on me, then kept me away from their colleagues to suppress my part of the story. It's easy to put the blame on someone who's not there to defend herself.
In hindsight, if I had to do it all over again, I would have taken the invoices and the call logs to the dept chair myself soon after I'd discovered it and tried to nip it in the bud then. I was just so hurt and embarrassed then that I kept my mouth shut, which enabled A to continue in secrecy.
Have call 6 of 8 with Larry tomorrow and have LOTS of questions since I haven't talked to him in nearly two weeks. I continue to distance myself from WH, have limited the time we spend together, and have kept all exchanges light and pleasant.
Continue to see positive changes. WH went to work around 7:30 p and was back around 10:30, same as last night. Since Sunday night has been "their" night at work together for over a year (no one else around), WH would always stay until midnight or later. That he isn't tells me she isn't there with him.
Some of his behaviors continue to annoy however, particularly his sudden Nazi-style micro-management of the finances. He refused to buy DD 12 a "good job" gift for getting 1st Honors on her report card (even though we always have in years past), and he stayed home from the girls' dance recital today with DS 7 because he didn't want to spend $15 on tickets. The girls were hurt and appalled. He said, "tough!"
So...no summer camp, no movies, no eating out, no recital tickets -- I'm supposed to sit home with the kids ALL summer, doing nothing and going nowhere while he works, travels, has dinners out with colleagues, etc. If he's trying to run me off with his sudden penuriousness, he may very well succeed...(venting).
Hmm...he is using finances to control you? Get your goat? Do you think he is feeling a loss of control over something and could be taking it out on the finances? Just a guess. My dad would do this!
me,34 exH,34 S,16 months S:3/31/09-left for OW started DBing 10/09 d final: sometime 10/10 current: http://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2022856&page=1 met in 2004
Went over relationship history from day we met until today. Discovered that we've been in an actual, caring relationship only 11 of the 29 years we've know each other - 3 years before we got married and 8 after. The rest of the time we've functioned in a home base/administrative capacity.
Looking back, it's easy to see how we got to where we are today. All you have to do is follow the path we took.
And to answer the question, "Am I a bad person for thinking about vacations -- and perhaps a life -- without him? The answer is, "No." I've ALREADY spent YEARS without him while he worked 70-80 hours a week and I raised kids by myself! We may have eaten at the same dinner table and slept in the same bed, but our lives outside those two things were often completely separate. EVERYTHING else took priority, which made it easy for him to slip in a third wheel.
Wish I had better foresight than hindsight...<sigh>
Looking forward to my next call later in the week!
Hi SR, I mentioned this book in a different thread, but i was addressing you, so I will post the book here...
It is not free, it is purchasable from Penny's website.
I am more than happy to share it with you if you are willing to buy the book later if you like what you have read... I believe strongly in Penny's approach and her efforts and my handing her book out for free isnt' helping to support her cause... But I do believe people should know what they are buying before they buy...
Here's the book, if you LIKE it and Larry's work proves ineffecitve and you want to TRY this, please consider buying the book if it does end up helping you out... It's less than twenty dollars anyhow, its not going to put you out of house and home
I don't make any money from reccomending teh book either, this is just out of professional integrity and respect for her work :
If you don't like it, that's great too... I am just trying to broaden people's perspectives beyond just what MWD teaches... Penny does know MWD as well, and admires her work quite a bit...
Consider this book a compliment to Divorce Remedy but focussing on infidelity specifically
Thanks for the download, Allen, will definitely read it.
WH has stepped up the pressure with the finances. Gave him a list of bills to pay yesterday, asked him to transfer $2000 to household account. He transferred $1400. Will make it difficult to buy groceries for next two weeks. He wants me to stay home with kids all summer, do nothing, go to no movies, no pool, etc., and NOW he's making it difficult to buy food.
What games is this?! Why is he suddenly hoarding money? To move out? I'm trying not to blow a gasket, but this completely unacceptable.
