I know it is not above Braveheart to ruffle some feathers : )
And I think we can all come up with our own numbers to justify where and how long to do most anything.
I have read Braveheart for a couple years now, and although we agree to disagree on some issues, he will stand in the way of no person trying to survive or heal themselves here.
Do most come back ?
I believe that most want to at some point.
Doesn't mean that the circumstances are right for that. It depends on so many things, including the path of the LBS, and WHERE they are when that is feasible for the MLCer.
Realistically ? No , it doesn't happen often enough.
But who are we to take that percentage and hang it out there to interrupt hope from people who are wiling to make that choice, to be there IF they ever return.
That is why standing is such an individual decision to each and every one of us.
If one stands for a month, and decides that they are done, then so be it.
If one stands for ten years, then so be it.
Standing to me involves healing and self growth. You will NEVER see me tell someone to focus on their whacked out spouse, or what "stage" they are in, because that is not where our minds need to be.
Everyone here, arrived here with baggage. Pain and anguish dominated our days and nights. We could not see the light shining to light our path.
We took/take things one second at a time, then one hour at a time, then one day at a time, until eventually, we start becoming people again, and find that we actually like ourselves.
And we can start to live for ourselves instead of losing that part of us within our old marriage.
What scares us the most from Braveheart's posts here are, that :
They strike a fear within us that he may be correct...
And although he comes across as an a$$hat sometimes... : )
He really means no harm to any of us.
Personally ? I like reading his thoughts .
He spins a different perspective within me.
He is a dose of reality when everything gets stuck.
And who am I to blast him for his pondering...
That would make me into the person of which I had been falsely accused ( or was I, with that mentality )
What is reality ?
That there is a balance in EVERYTHING we do in life....
An opposite reaction to everything we encounter.
Although I disagree with the delivery, I agree with the message. That we DO need to prepare and embrace our future without our spouses.
If they CHOOSE to try again, our responsibility is to be prepared for our NEXT relationship, and IF that is with our current spouse, then so be it.
Standing is an individual act for all of us...
And NO ONE PERSON should influence that within ourselves......'cept for us.
