He's telling friends he thinks we'll reunite

[MarieC]

Hi, Red and Allen,

I have exposed the affair - to our friends, his parents, and his coworkers who are our friends. I was polite to him the other day when he pulled over, but brief and then walked away (refusing his offer of a ride) after less than a minute. He didn't need to know that I HAD to get away to maintain my composure and dignity, but that's why I got the heck out of Dodge.

It's interesting Allen assumed many of his coworkers are also philanderers, because they ARE - and several are getting divorced - and one of them was just in the mental ward of the local hospital because they were afraid he was going to kill himself because his wife finally got sick of his philandering and (to his shock) kicked him to the curb. My husband *was* hanging out with happily married professionals (professors, researchers, writers, etc.) but has rejected all of his old friends (and me) and is now the King of the Mechanics and the local "Stammtisch" (the drinkers who come to his bar every day) and many of these guys cheat on their wives - and several are getting divorced right now.

Since he lost 60 lbs (I think there's a lot of MLC behavior in here - he's also started running and is freaked about hair loss and wrinkles), he has no use for his old friends and has started calling them "fat f*&ks." These are people who have been good and kind to him and made him laugh and with whom he's had interesting, animated discussions for more than 10 years! Now he says he's an athlete and an outdoorsman (this came up as he was preparing to not complete his thesis on time - and is blaming ME for having "forced" him to do his MBA, which I most certainly did NOT do!)

So I think there's MLC issues in here as well as identity questions - now that I know he flunked out of college over a thesis because of too much drinking and that he has now repeated this with his MBA, his "I'm not an intellectual, I'm an outdoorsman/athlete" identity change/excuse makes more sense. But to kick ME to the curb and take up with a bimbo who only went to school 'til she was 15 and - as a barmaid - probably doesn't care HOW much he drinks? That also makes sense, in a sick, self-destructive way.

All the emails he's been sending and the things he's been saying to our friends seem to show he's feeling me out a bit to see if there's any opening for talking. I don't think without talking there's any way to go anywhere but directly to divorce court. I understand that Allen's position is to make him crawl, but I don't think that's in my husband - and I don't think that's what DB-ing is about, either. I don't intend to be a doormat, but I do think that we have to at least be able to talk - and that my short-bordering-on-curt answers to his many friendly emails trying to start discussions over the last few weeks might have been a mistake on my part.