Well no wonder Marie's confused (as well as anyone with an X chromosome)! Here's how a woman interprets this:
He stops her on the roadside, she smiles and is polite because a "nice girl" doesn't create drama or cause distress. Only trashy girls do that.
She's thinking:
a. He's grown tired of bimbo b. He's looking to re-connect c. He's flirting to get back in her good graces d. He's ready to dump bimbo and re-commit to her
Hello! We are NOT on the same page, Allen!
So you're saying Marie should:
1. Be business-like instead of nice 2. Keep conversations short and un-personal 3. NEVER let him think things are ok by smiling and being congenial
...is that right?
So chuck the nice manners and do a little ball-busting instead?
THAT would get the point across loud and clear?
I am saying since he's moved out you shut him out... I don't consider that ball busting... to my mind ball busting would be charging over to his home and giving him a good verbal thrashing on his doorstep...
I am saying his world is a painful, self-destructive mess and adults steer CLEAR of that...
As long as this man ignores the commitments he's made you ignore HIM... let HIM realize that he's NOT going to be let off the hook to cake eat and take your DIGNITY BACK
Have you read Penny Tupy's protection phase eBoook SR?
You should read that.. it will explain this much better than I can...
Men yes don't think the same way as women here...
Let me put something else up here...
We can categorize infidelity into two types here :
a. Monogamous infidelity b. Polygamous infidleity
MOST WOMEN will aim for the former... when they start an affair, the Husband is OUT of their head, they keep room for only ONE.. usually... There can be only one... (Key Highlander music here..)
Many men, particularly the less mature men will aim for b, they want to CAKE EAT...They can cheat and lie and have sex with their wife etc and just juggle both lives fine...
I suspect Mc's OM here is the latter... He did move out yes, but I suspect that he would be more than happy to pursue MC as well if she was open to it....
This is NOT going to end the affair to invite that...
When someone starts an affair, they have three routes they can go :
a. Maintain the secret infidelity as long as one can - cake eat b. Pursue divorce and roll the dice with OW (less than 1% of affair couples have successful marriages long term) c. End the Affair and rebuild the marriage
Men unlike women are much more comfortable with a for the long term... Women will find b more attractive than a man would..
IN most cases option a is the MOST attractiev to either gender... It's the least inconvenient... It's the least disruptive, and keeps the excitement at its peak...
Exposure, Denying your spouse emotional connection, Separation, etc take option a OFF the table and FORCE a spouse to choose B or C...
Even if they choose B it drops a LOT of reality onto their lap that they avoid with option a.... The moving an affair from option a to option b takes away a lot of the excitement and an serve to assist in diffusing the affair long term... a spouse pursuing option b isn't the end of the world
THIS guy wants A, I am almost positive of it.. WHen mc cuts him oFF and exposes him, she forces him into B... This guy wants the comfort of having both spouses in his pocket... He's seen his buddy live like that and wants to EMULATE that behviour in order to win some recognition...
Just because a man pulls his car over, checks you out, and talks with charm does not in any way indicate the man has ANY LONG TERM INTEREST in you whatsoEVER
With women this is more the case than men... Women far more often than men focus on the long term... Even the OW in your sitch SR... that woman is thinking LONG TERM... She KNOWS where she's going... Your husband wants the marriage, the famliy, the home AND he wants the secret affair on the side like all his buddies at work most likely do... I don't think your H has any intent on divorcing you... Nor do I think the OM in MC'c case wants to divorce her... He wants the best of both worlds... A
Refuse A by NOT GOING THERE... That's my advice, you can't end the afair, but you CAN control A from happening.. you FORCE them to choose B or C ONLY...
Force reality on them in the form of B or C and see what happens... That's my approach
