And honestly..at this point..I have many good qualities. When I kicked him out I started planning for a future without him for me and my children. If he chooses to go over there he knows the consequences. If he does not care then that shows me he could care less about our family. He does not think what he is doing is affecting our children...How do you feel about that Greek??
The affair is "supposed" to be over. If he goes over there or contacts her he knows that he needs to leave. That I have made very clear and did so last night.
Perfect. Now...leave it with him. You don't need to repeat it ever again b/c what Swimming says....SHE MEANS! So this is covered and you've done very well with setting that boundary. I like it!
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How do I change how he sees me?
Get A Life (GAL). Do things for YOU. Running? Biking? Something girly that you haven't done in forever? A weekend getaway just for YOU? Picking up a long lost hobby? Losing 74 lbs is definitely a new wardrobe calling! Walk away from HIM - and take care of Swimming. Get sexy b/c you are. Get smart b/c you are. Get strong b/c you are. Climb into those roles b/c that is who you want to be. He may like it - he may not. You don't care. You are living this life for Swimming. When God imagined you and created you, He wasn't thinking "Gee, let me make this great Wife for him!" God made you to be YOU! Get busy dealing with that!
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It is not like I am unattractive.I have lost 74 lbs..explain the attraction part. So he is attracted to her? really?
I'm sure you are beautiful. So is Tiger Woods's STBXW! Your H wants what he can't have. And while I'm on the subject - I had a thought about this earlier today that I want to share with you. You know, this OW has no self respect. She might seem like she's all that b/c he wants her and whatever. But think about it, she is volunteering to be one of 2 women he is with. She KNOWS he has a wife so she knows she is not his only woman and she is volunteering for that. You must continue to set yourself apart from her by NOT volunteering to be one of your H's harem. You are way above that and think far too highly of yourself to allow that degradation in your life. Put that feather in your cap.
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
If he chooses to go over there he knows the consequences. If he does not care then that shows me he could care less about our family. He does not think what he is doing is affecting our children...How do you feel about that Greek??
I do not FEEL anything about that, Swimming. I THINK and BELIEVE that you are correct. I point that out to model for you that now is not a time to address matters based on FEELING. Swimming must base her decisions on THOUGHT and BELIEF. Far more reliable than feelings, sister.
And yes, if he crosses the boundary you have put down, you will put the consequence into effect. You WILL ask him to move out, give him a week to pick up his things, and you will interview lawyers the very next day b/c you will divorce a man who will not be faithful. And even if he begs you not, too (b/c I think the coward will beg you not to throw him out), you will stand by what you believe which is that you will not be part of a harem and remain married to a person who would put you in that position. And begging won't sway you from that. It will take a lot more than that to convince you that he wants his marriage. HE will have to do the heavy lifting to make that right and you will accept nothing less. That is how Swimming rolls. Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Greek..you are AWESOME! just AWESOME! I agree. And it is time to start taking care of me. He does not respect me at all...so it is time to show him I am someone that needs to be respected. I deserve it and so do our children!
Swimming must base her decisions on THOUGHT and BELIEF. Far more reliable than feelings, sister.
So that's where you get the BGPs!!!!
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
Greek..you are AWESOME! just AWESOME! I agree. And it is time to start taking care of me. He does not respect me at all...so it is time to show him I am someone that needs to be respected. I deserve it and so do our children!
NOW YOU'RE TALKING! Don't lose hold of what you just grabbed onto!
Greek
Me45 H46 T25 M22 S21 & 19 D13 Separated and filed 8/08 Moved home 11/08
Can you please tell me how I can trust him? I really want to trust him but I am afraid...of getting hurt, I have had several conversations with him regarding her and it all leads back to him getting angry and saying swimming that is ridiculous...How do I trust him...Did I mention about 2 weeks ago I found an old tangled necklace in his pocket? When I confronted him about it I asked him who's it was and he said who's do you think it is...I said why did you keep it and he said I just wanted to. He continues to say that it is over with her. He is home and night and on the weekends..he has been SO much nicer. It has been really pleasant. I dont know what to do at this point. Thoughts??
More importantly he should want to do what is needed to make you feel loved, cherished and appreciated.
M22,H45,W45 S21/18D12 Retain faith that you will prevail in the end, regardless of the difficulties and at the same time confront the most brutal facts of your current reality, whatever they might be.
At work and lunch is the only time he could be talking to her or seeing her. The ONLY time! He does not have a cell phone and as far as email goes I cant see his work email The gift is not a gift but it was her necklace and he was carrying it around in his pocket. He has yet to say ILY...but has said it in the past year. We have been sleeping together and he usually holds me all night. SO I guess that is good. But I dont know what he can do. He lied for a very long time to me. What do I need to do.
and to be honest...I had trust issues with him to begin with. I would love to be free of this. My mind it tangled and I dont know how to feel good about myself and feel free again.
