Bworl, I just feel that Geronimo comes across as needy with his wife. He has mentioned a number of times contacting her for comfort and that makes me believe he's not in the best place to be making a choice that could bring about added pain that he's not ready to deal with. That's why I suggest keeping a friendly distance from her, sure do the family outing once in a while, do the family dinner once in a while but that's once in a while. Don't be calling her looking for kindness and support, it makes you too vulnerable at a time when you're vulnerable enough as is. Hey, when you feel strong and you're up to the challenge then you go for it. But make a choice based on rational decision making processes and not on neediness. That said, there's nothing wrong with neediness especially when you've have your life turned upside down, it's normal. But, admit it, know your limits and protect yourself.
Guys - thank you all - I'm not going to go back and mess with the "quote" boxes, but yeah I read all your posts, and I appreciate them. Bill, I think you're right about embracing the changes - I've been thinking about that.
Yes. There are two things to watch out for here. 1) How I'm getting my needs met, because retaining the habits of going to XW is not something I want to do. and 2) getting stuck - Bill you mentioned expectations. Yeah, that's part of it.
There is still a lot of emotion flowing. When I picked the boys up, we had a little emotional moment.
I guess I'm not going to decide to be one way or the other. What I want for myself is to heal up, take care of my own needs, get consistantly on my feet. As long as I can do those things XW's ultimate role in my life can become what it becomes. In another context, down the road, a friendship is fine. Preferable, even, seeing we're co-parents. But yeah, I am needy and I know it.
Where am I today? I miss her, yeah. I'm still mourning. Crap, well I'll tell you what happened, I was listing to music today at work, and you know how suddenly every song has meaning when you listened to the words, that you never noticed before... corny, but what are you going to do (damn you Matchbox 20) - and I really started thinking about the loss, about the things I didn't do - regrets. And I got really sad, that's the state in which I arrived at her door. Yeah, I had a sex dream about her last night, and woke up without her there. Suddenly I'm dreaming about her every night. The anger isn't with me right now.
Well there's nothing for it except letting tomorrow come.
Yep, today I'm just fine. I wish I could account for the ups and downs. Weird.
Got a call from XW today: "I was just turned down for health insurance." She was upset. I told her that was worrisome -
I want to strike the right tone here, because I don't want to be mean or unsympathetic, but - yeah, honey, that's a problem. A problem you didn't have before.
I understand the ups and downs too, Geronimo. Some days I'm on top of the world, feel I can handle anything that comes my way and the next I feel like road kill. I've noticed if I have a good sleep that tends to mean a better day, when I wake up numerous times in a night, even if I fall back to sleep quickly, it seems to mess up my energy levels the next day and I find myself more fatigued and anxious about things. Sorry about the ex's health insurance, it sure is a bitch when they think life on their own will be some kind of rose garden. It just ain't so!
Establishing a routine of talking to her on the phone every day between dropping the kids off and arriving at work. Hmm.
Why would you want to do this everyday? It's one thing if there is pertinent info that needs to be shared about the kids otherwise I can't see how it benefits you except to create an unhealthy dependency on her. That won't help you.
I have to agree. I know you want to be back together but keeping up constant contact isn't the way to go. I think she needs to miss you. She needs to feel the consequesces of her actions.
hang in there. kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Self-reporting here because I know I need to look at it.
It's funny, I've seen people comment about how you can look at other people's situations and they seem more clear than your own. I'm having the experience where I OBSERVE MYSELF and think "WTF? What is he - er... I - doing??"
Make me think how much my behavior has been informed by things other than thinking. I'm not talking to you today because I'm mad. I am talking to you today because I'm sad. Whatever.
I don't have a - plan - philosophy - set of rules - consistant approach - vision...
