After reading some other threads, Michelle's Article on the effects of an S or OM on children and some other research, plus noticing a change in my DD's behavior ( age 6 in August) Im both pissed at my WAW and resolved at the same time. Im PISSED at the WAW that from my perspective, she's most interested in doing whats right for HER, then what is right for our kids ( staying together and giving it everything we have ), particularly since we both come from fractured families and we both vowed that OUR kids would never go through that, yet here we are. Remember, my WAW first two kids also didnt have their Dad around.

Im concerned enough for my DD that I think it would be a good idea to set her up to speak to a counselor. I've done everything I can do to reassure her that Mommy and Daddy both love her VERY much, that NONE of whats happening is her fault in any way, making a deliberate effort to do things with her as much as my ridiculous schedule permits, etc.

But she has told me more then once that she wants us to be a family again. She has become more argumentative/stubborn towards me, she has bouts of melancholy a few times a week, etc. She is a FANTASTIC kid, we always get compliments about how well behaved she is. When everything first blew up,and I was in my extreme grief, begging , pleading, crying stage while the WAW was still here, more then once DD heard me crying ( despite my best efforts to sheild her ) and came and gave me a giant squeeze and just held on tight. Breaks my heart even now to write that, that my little girl was more worried about making her Daddy feel better then anything else.

So, like I said, I want to arrange for her to see a counselor of some type, but Im on the fence about whether to tell the WAW ahead of time or not. Im 90% certain she will respond harshly if I tell her Im VERY concerned about our D, as it will mean she will have to "own" her part in the damage. I dont think ANYONE is telling WAW what our S is and will do to our kids,and or she is convinced they will " bounce back " when the evidence this simply isnt true is right in front of her in the form of HER twin D's emotional turmoil over the last several years. But of course she's in the " FOG".

I brought this issue of the effects on the kids up once before at the very beginning and WAW response was along the lines of " its not any better for them to see us fighting so much " or something like that.

I feel like Im in a Catch 22. If I tell the WAW Im making an appointment for our DD to see a counselor, Im sure she'll interpret that as trying to " guilt her " , even though thats NOT my motivation. If I just do it and let her find out on her own ( Im sure DD will let on fairly quickly ) then she'll be pissed that I did it without saying anything to her.

Clearly the right thing to do is whats right for my DD emotional well being, but Im equally certain the WAW, in her FOG will be adamantly opposed to the need for it, as she will then be forced to confront her part in creating the situation.