Standing, When DB'ing becomes unhealthy

[ericmsant2]

BH

Folks, I really do not mean to rain on anyone's parade,

I wanted to believe this I really did…..BUT then you said this…..

but as I have said before, we can slice this up anyway we want to, but most of these people do not come back.

When did you get a crystal ball?

I am sorry to say BH but this is the second time I have seen you post somewhat of a negative view to the people on this board. The people that are in pain. The people that are reaching for hope. The people who truly love their spouses and are doing everything in their power to save their M.

I understand and respect that you are entitled to your opinion but I do not agree with your approach. I don’t know you from a hole in the wall and you do not know me. I am not aware of your sitch. I can honestly say that when I read your post the sense I get is that you have never completely healed from your D and although I do not know you, I am so sorry for this. I truly am. I suspect that your W did a number on you (as mine is doing to me). I do not know if you lost your kids in your D, if you lost your house, I have no idea. Maybe it is me….but I would have thought you would have wanted to help people on these boards deal with their pain….Help people get thru this sh*tty time in their life. Help people by NOT removing the small sliver of hope that they have and so cling on to until such time that THEY decide to move on. I am sorry you seem really angry.

You mentioned that you prayed a lot. I am glad for this. Many here have and continue to. Maybe you should pray for forgiveness, healing, and compassion. Based on your post it appears that you have been blessed with a new R. I am happy for you. I am.

I have to say, that you throwing out some statistic that one would need to spend hours sorting thru to confirm the validity of, is …well….IMO, irresponsible. Totally irresponsible. May I ask; would have liked to read this while you were standing? Would you have “felt” better, in those times that you were probably crying and hurt; if someone posted some stat like this? Be honest with yourself – would you. I suspect not. Your angry still – I get it. You may think that you are helping someone but really are you. Do you or I have the right to suggest when someone should stop standing. Do you or I have the right to tell someone that after X number of years you should move on. Ask yourself this….what is true love? What is it? What is your definition? Had you W told you that if you wait for me for X years I will come back. Would you have waited? Maybe…maybe not. Should I have said if you decided to wait that you were wrong? I suspect if you had been in the spot you may feel differently.
BH – I am an LBS. My marriage will more than likely end sometime this year. Does that mean that I no longer stand? What is standing? What is a marraige? Are we really here to save a marriage or save an R with the person that we truly love? IMO – standing is something that each person defines and determines the timeline for. Have you recently read up on the number of statistics that identify that the number of re-marriages are rising at an astronomical rate. Funny I did not hear you mention this stat.

BH - I want you to know that write this from the point of view of someone who has decided to no longer stand for their M. Do I love my W. Yes. It is this site and the people on it that help ME to get to a place where I could make the choice. They did….without RIPPING away Hope! They did it with class and diginity because it is the people that they have become.
You believe God I assume…in your prayer closet ask yourself this…did I help or did I hurt someone today.

Finally, to suggest that someone like Grit is New to this…well that is quite insensitive. Have you read his thread…have you seen his growth…could you not have given him words of encouragement instead of a little criticism.

Guess what, if I had laid on my tail and "stood" for 4 years while she did what she wanted, I would have been ALL ALONE.

Maybe…maybe not. I would like to think that I would be with someone who truly understood the vows of till death do us part. We all make mistakes and hell I keep making them. To suggest that by waiting we may just miss out on a great R with someone new is once again IMO – wrong.

God Bless
Eric