Oops--don't know about you breaking one of Forrest's rules!lol.
I want to explore "honesty" for a minute. You want honesty from your H. You want and deserve that. I would say you would agree that he wants and deserves that from you, too, right? So you both want honesty and all that goes with it.
But somehow you started changing. Looking at a sister and her R. Letting expectations of parents creep in. Something, perhaps an insecurity, creeps in and makes you feel "wrong" in what you are doing.
But this isn't you--and you are starting to explore this. What were you doing? You weren't being honest. WITH YOURSELF!!!
Honesty is TOUGH WORK!! Constantly getting in touch with yourself! Running it by your own "truth" and seeing if it "matches up". Changes still have to come, they are going to come, but it's still a matter of checks and balances and growth is monitered always.
The person that we are with--did they want this change? Did they ask for it? or was it just "done". You don't have to run this by anyone else--but you MUST run it by your H. He will HELP you stay honest and true to YOURSELF!!
Your H doesn't know anything but that you changed. And it culminated and came to a head--at Christmas. But it started long before. It starts when your own insecurities and doubts make you close up and become someone he didn't know. And he had his, and it goes around and around and who is at fault? Can you untangle all the hurt and see who started it? Does it matter, really?
Find yourself again. Be brutally honest with yourself. And it will come--the closure, the understaning, the empathy.
