You are correct, it serves nobody well for that to happen.
Look Eric, all those things...they were real, and they still live inside of you. Those are YOUR memories from a life that has served you well so far.
This is a normal part of the process...grieving the loss of consortium.
You have to feel these things .....then take a step forward.
You mention yourself questioning why God would allow this to happen...
I will tell you this. From my perspective, what God truly cares about is us, us as a person. He gives us a conscious, and gives us guilt to police ourselves.
He gives us exactly the problems that we need , so that we can fix ourselves.
But I'm not sold on the fact that he cares too much or interferes with affairs of the heart. That is the free will that you speak of. What he DID give you, was all of those wonderful memories that you have inside of YOU.
You have fear right now that all of those memories are going to taken away from you with the loss of the relationship...
And looky there, your marriage is gone, and you still have them.
I understand what you are feeling and going through, the same as anyone that has posted to you...
You are not alone in this...
Our past does not define our future...
Nor should it ...
Let me ask you this my friend...
What are you doing for YOU....
And don't come back with this line about this and that with the kids either. I know the kind of Father you are...
IF YOU, don't start doing some things for Eric, you are losing yourself in that too.
How can you be anything for them if you aren't there for you ?
Life is about choices...
You choose to stand or you choose to lie down
You choose to rise or you choose to fall
You choose to live or you choose to die inside
You choose to take a step or you choose to become stuck
I sent you some links yesterday from a very good friend of mine, when he was around this stage ...
