I already know what the risks are, I've acknowledged to myself what might or might not be happening, and what I might, or might not have to come to terms with at some point in the future. That's as much as I want to invest in that for now. Should we join paths again then I'll have to decide how much I want/need to know to have peace and trust, but for now ...
Originally Posted By: shelbel
I can't let that affect me & my journey. We can't go forward if we are glancing over our shoulder to see wth they are doing
And that my friend, deserves an 'AMEN SISTA'!!
Have a great day all! Today I focus on work ... I'll check back at lunch time and then this evening, but one of my goals was to get refocussed at work and not spend so much time on here ...
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
Thanks all ... went well, really just have enough to time to bring her up to date on my sitch. She seems very solution oriented and is familiar with DB so that's good by me. Next appt is booked for 10 days from now and she asked what I wanted to focus on. I told her that with all the changes I made I wanted to examine a bit of what drove my old behaviours and how to make sure that the changes I've made are sustainable etc.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
So I took of my rings yesterday morning. I'm not even sure what really prompted it, but I've been thinking about it for a while. To me they don't just represent my committment, they represent a bond that just doesn't exist right now.
Got home from an overnight business trip today (after texts from H kinda PO'd cause I was running late - he didn't know I was even out of province) and discovered the house was a total mess and he had gotten my baby bro to come stay with the kids so he could leave early. Checked the computer history (my 13 yr old brother was babysitting so we have to check, he's got a rep for accidentally downloading virus/spyware etc) and discovered that H was looking at rental properties again. My reaction/feelings??? I think it's relief. I'm getting tired of moving in and out of my house. I'm getting tired of cleaning it on my days at home and coming back to it being messy again. I did not get married to have a roommate - and a slobby one at that!
How do I feel???? Detached ... and strangely content!
Gotta get the kiddos to bed and crack a Moosehead Lime ... gotta love a cold beer on a hot day! I'm going to upload a few pics to the alt from our trip to the beach this evening (if I can figure out how to mobile upload!!!)
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
I'm having a strange couple of days. I find myself very detached, at a point where I really don't even want him around much. Tonight when he told me he was going to stay at his sister's after the kids went to bed I think he expected a reaction ... all he got was "ok, see ya". I did give him his Father's Day Card but I lightened it up with a very casual "Hope you had a great day, T" at the end. And although the original plan that the kids and I had was to go as a family to a park and fly kites, we actually didn't really spend any amount of time together - he napped after golf, and I sent the kids in to wake him after an hour or so, and once he cleared the room, I went in and rested for an hour or so while he was out in the back field with the kids and the kites. We did make and eat supper together, and then got the kids ready for bed and off he went.
The other thing I didn't expect, is that I've begun to spend a lot of time thinking about my needs and the fact that I deserve a willing partner who respects and cares about me and my needs. I'm no longer focussed on H as that person, but really focussed more on a check list of sorts - 'must haves' for a partner ... and I'm really understanding that he is not capable of meeting my needs as it stands right now. And maybe never. I've grown so much and have so much to offer ...
I've also decided that after our last 'encounter' I think I'm done with the intimacy. After reading Cat's post I faced what I was really feeling about how it played out. It hasn't been like that all along but this one left me feeling really empty. I won't blame him, I participated willingly, but I don't want to feel like that again. I'll spare y'all the details, but let's just say it was very one sided and brief.
Anyway, now that he's gone for the evening, I feel good. Do I ultimately know how this is going to play out ... NO ... but I do know I am ready for the rules to change again, and this time I'm not scared of his next move. The only thing that frightens me now is how detached I feel (it was unexpected) and whether or not I'm becoming a WAW.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
