One thing that has really helped is the matter of presents. She has a very hard time with presents. I'm one of those people who have to give a small gift and a big gift, and at least one has to be a surprise, and each gift should be an expression of what you know about someone. She's always struggled with this. Recently she was extremely proud of herself on my birthday because she had gotten me a table saw, which was something I wanted, and she'd even kept it secret from me! (Actually, she had left it in the back of her van uncovered, so I saw it the day she came home, but I've learned too, and I had the sense not to say anything.)
That was great, but we've come to an understanding that any time she's stumped on gift-giving occasions she can do what she calls "Give you a ribbon." That means she ties a ribbon around herself and becomes my present. I can unwrap her and do whatever I want. It's a cliche, but it's a good one!
The thing I've figured out about gifts is that we have too much clutter already, so I use gift occasions as excuses to go out and do good things together. So for our anniversary, I got her tickets to a Broadway musical she's wanted to see (I liked the book) and we're staying in a luxurious hotel while my sister watches the kids. Her only physical gift is a book about one of her favorite characters; I don't think she knows it's been published. I believe I'm getting a ribbon, so everyone's going to be happy, and we won't have to figure out where to put the latest box of stuff.
