The story of us

[elvencat]

should i do NC and ask my atty to proceed and get 'er done as quick as possible? the limbo is killing me and I also have to make sure that that statute doesnt run out.

Are you planning to bring suit for the abuse? If so, then you definitely need to get it done sooner rather than later, and also for your own piece of mind, the sooner this is completed, the quicker you can begin your true healing.

my atty says we dont need to rush too much, but I just feel like if there is no hope, why wait?

Is your atty suggesting to not rush so you don't miss something, or so you have time to think about whether or not you really want to do this?

I'm not doing anything to help myself and school starts in a few months. it would probably be best for me if I was done with his before then....
Or should I wait?

If you are unsure about divorce, then at least proceed with a formal separation agreement because obviously you and your husband are not in a place to reconcile in a healthy way right now. I think this is an example of how the abuse is making your decision making skills suspect right now.

my friends are concerned that when i do NC and my atty gets aggressive, he will come around and try to schmoo me and get me strung out on him for a year.

I believe from his past behavior, he will very likely try this as well. It's also possible that once he realizes how aggressive you're allowing your atty to be, he may get angry and attempt to control you that way as well. This is why you, as an abused person, need an extensive support system to help you realize that his alternating attacks and pursuits are a way to keep the control in his own hands and you can't allow his actions to dictate yours.

i love this man liek an addiction. maybe i am addicted to the abuse. it sounds so gross and pathetic but I have to be honest with myself.

After reading your story, I truly believe this was an unhealthy situation from the start, but that does not make you pathetic for not realizing it. Abuse is a very insidious thing that holds not only the abused, but also the abuser, in its grasp until something occurs to break the cycle. It's NOT something you can recover from quickly.

thank you so much for your help and taking the time to read my thread. I really, really appreciate it.

I am glad you feel I'm helping rather than attacking. I know from personal experience how the despair of abuse hits you and you feel you are responsible for it all. But someday, with help, you'll see how you were a victim and didn't ask for it. And, at the point you TRULY believe that, you'll finally start to heal.