DD got clean bill of health.. H.. didn't go to doc.. his actual appt is on Friday but he was hurting so bad he wanted to call and find out if he could go in early. He decided he'd wait till Friday. I did my absolute best to not try to pressure him into changing his mind. I think I'm getting the hang of stepping back and not sounding like the "controlling" spouse H keeps telling me I was. Of course, when it comes to getting rid of OW I feel justified in being controlling, but anyway........

speaking of communication.. BREAKTHROUGH!... in a round-a-bout manner I found out how H feels validated and not controlled when having a conversation about how he feels about certain things.

H and I were talking about his IC and cognitive therapy for his schizophrenia. (Keep in mind all this time I felt IC was validating him in his need to get D to be happy and he knows this is how I felt.) I think he was suspicious about why I was talking to him about IC. He asked why I was obsessing over IC, and said she is very good at her job. I explained that I wasn't questioning that, but was more academically curious about how someone who was so opposed to being told how to think (his words used to explain why he won't go to MC), is so willing to agree with IC. He said, "I don't always agree with her and I tell her when I don't." I asked how she still is able, though, to lead H to what she wants him to see without him resenting her for it....(I don't know if he saw through this or not, but I was really trying to find out for my own use, of course). He said, "She asks questions. And NOT yes or no questions... I don't really know how to explain it..." BINGO!

I told him he explained it very well, said thank you and ended the conversation. laugh

Me 32, H 34, DD 3
M 6, T 8
Bomb 03/10
OW Bomb 6/5/10
Separate & NC 6/28/10
My 2nd EA Thread