No "tricks" to him, he just is sensative. But he isn't capable of being malicious and tricking you.
i'm going to break one of forrest's rules for two minutes. lauraoh, you forget the h is a puppet. and the person controlling the puppet is the evil MIL. she controls how he should feel, who he should be friends with (and no, this is not mind reading. i actually witnessed this).
it's not him that i'm afraid of. it's his mother.
Quote:
We gals are WAAAAY better at that sort of thing.
you got it, sista!
Quote:
If you knew the "real reason", you could address it one way or the other--you could dismiss it as nonsense, or you could take it seriously and work on it.
yes. i also believe i deserve to know the truth. i deserve honesty. if he wants out, then be honest and we'll part.
when the m is on the line, you owe it to the other person to be honest. unless he wants his nuts in a vice. his choice.
Quote:
But it involves a lot of thinking and looking past his hurt (and all the nonsense they say when they are hurt). They ALL have a bit of truth along with the rest of the things they say. And usually? Their angry ugly stuff hides deep fear.
how will you know that it's no longer 'mind-reading'? i had a discussion with fg and i kept saying "why is he this angry at me over christmas?" and fg said "it's not about christmas".
in my mind, christmas was the straw that broke the camel's back. so if it wasn't christmas, then what is it? maybe this is my way of trying to draw out the truth. what is it? otherwise, i'm going to sit here and go "geez, how petty of you to d-bomb me because of christmas."
Quote:
And you have some of your own of course
yes, i admit to my faults. i'm working on that. i admitted that i'm learning to stop digging. i so could have but .. i didn't.
i also know that me being silent is often misinterpreted. that the "look" is snarky and a visual form of a 'dig'.
Quote:
I was very scared to start looking at myself for the "weaknesses", but as I found them I found it very empowering to "do something" about them. This is the control you are looking for. It is control of yourself. You'll love it, I promise. : )
here's another thing i found. i tried to model my marriage after my sisters' marriages. that kind of marriage isn't really me. but i figure it was the norm. what it did, was take the fun out of our marriage. it took the fun out of me. to my parents, the expectation of me as wife was to stay home, pop out kids, and give up my hobbies. this made me a boring person. it is no wonder my h became bored and said i was no longer the fun girl that he fell in love with. i love photography. my parents would cringe at the thought of me spending $700 on a telephoto lens for my dslr. my h would have encouraged it. he loved that i had a hobby. this is what i mean when i said that my h taught me how to live. i love learning and he often encouraged me to do that. i'm in my late 30s now and i play squash 5 times a week because i love it. i'm also in the best shape of my life. i love being active. i love travelling with my camera. that's what attracted me to my h and likely my h to me. we were each other's "fun" companion. what happened to that girl who had a zest for life?
