"i agree. looking back, i shouldn't have knocked on his door."
Please.. in detail.. explain why. Yes.. it is a test. Wanna see how much you have learned.
"i have been pretty laid back. i haven't done much to 'chase' even when the d-bomb was dropped. for me, my pride stopped me from pursuing. why should i pursue someone who obviously found me revolting? i'm better than that."
This is a solid thought! But.. I suspect that this is what got you into trouble in the first place. Tell me about your friends. Pick the top two.. not your H.. and explain what is important to you.. about them. How did you meet them.. why are you still friends?
"i was still very angry when during my last ic session."
Really? Gosh I missed that somewhere. Now I have to go back and read all your posts.
"she has been trying to get me to 'move on' because he's checked out."
Well.. this is IC and not MC. The best thing for you.. on the surface.. is to move on.
"i said i have no closure. and she said i may never get it."
Closure.. always comes. Maybe not the way we expect it.. but it will show up. If he told you right now exactly why he did this.. chances are it would not help you.
"this made me even more angry because it meant that i had no say in the matter. i had no control."
Hmm.. never would have guessed that! Here lemme make it clear.. you cannot control this situation in the normal way you think about it. Never will happen. You will be D and bitter. Most likely you will go onto another R and do exactly the same thing. This.. is always about control! You have to be smart enough to see when to take it.. and when to give it! This is a reset button for control 99.9% of the time. It is very effective.
"i'm not whistling dixie yet."
A Duke's of Hazzard reference? Really?
"i still think he hates me. i think he's just being polite to improve his own image. it's called damage control. something smells bad and i'm sure there's a stink bomb somewhere."
Don't really care what his reasons are. I can't imagine him wanting to control damage from someone he really hates.
So.. basically what you just said is that he is testing you?
That I can agree with.
"i'm still skeptical. not that i don't believe in your help."
It is not my help.. this is and always will be a group effort. Again.. as long as you are willing to listen.. I am OK with that. If I am not adding anything to your "thought's".. just tell me.
"and it'll be "i tricked you and your db friends"."
If that is his goal.. he will be surprised at the outcome. We have played this game alot. I personally have been thru so many things with people here.. that there is just not much that will surprise me. Don't let my post count fool you. I know where I can be effective.. and I will stop when I no longer am. Again.. I have not suggested anything that would illicit a response from him. If it happened.. it happened because of you.
"i ran into him in the stairwell. yes, i stood up straight and i smiled. i wasn't sad or anything. but after my brief conversation, i proceeded up the stairs and completely missed my floor."
Don't know that I would laugh at you. I would expect that to a point. So.. here is another rule. If you feel like you are going to fail. Don't fail in front of him.
"i hope you don't think i'm being negative. i'm just proceeding with caution. i'm not excited about anything yet. i still believe that i'm going to get fooled in the end."
Good.. I think you are right about where you need to be then.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
