Wife abandoned me...Now What?

[Mike.4545]

I'll try to keep my story short as possible and really hope to get some advice from the experienced members here. Any suggestions that could help would be greatly appreciated!

My Situation:

I've been with my wife for 8 years...only 1 married. She is 27 and I'm 28. Pretty much our whole relationship has seemed fantastic. We really didn't fight or argue very much, but when we did, I guess we weren't the best at coming to a solid resolution and would just kind of move on. We both have great relationships with each others family, share all the same friends, and have had a lot of fun together as we like to do many of the same things.

All seemed to be just fine until about 4 months ago when she began acting very distant from me. I thought she was just stressed out from her new job that was taking up more and more of her time so I really tried to do nice things for her, support her, and be there for her. After about three months of this and it not getting better, I asked her what was going on. She then told me she didn't feel like she did a less than a year ago when we got married...that she didn't know if she wanted to be married to me anymore, and that she loved me but was not "In Love" with me. Now my world was rocked. I told her I wanted to get counseling with her but she refused for about two weeks. I started going by myself, and she finally went one time by herself but nothing since.

Soon after, I checked some of her work emails and discovered that she had been having an emotional affair with a guy in Chicago for the last 3 months that she met through work...we live in Kansas. In her emails she was professing her undying love for him, that he was her soul mate, and that she wanted to be married to him and be with him for the rest of her life. After 3 months of internet chatting and talking on the phone?!?! Now my world was upside down. I confronted her about it and she just cried, apologized profusely and said she didn't know what she was doing or how she felt about anything anymore. I love my wife more than I've ever loved anything, and despite this horrible betrayal, I told her I still wanted to try and save our marriage. Since then she has moved out of our house into her own apartment to try and "find herself" and see if relief from all the emotional pain would help her think more clearly and show her what she really wants. Throughout this whole thing I've done my best to remain calm and caring towards her. I haven't even fought with her about any of this and even helped her and her parents move her out. She has promised me that she would stop communicating with the other guy and that she just wanted to be alone for a while...but I can only hope she keeps this promise. She did tell me that he called her the other day to just check on her, so that's at least a good sign that she's being open and honest even if she does make a mistake and talks to him.

She's been on her own for about 3 weeks now but still maintains that it is too late for us, and that she does not think it possible to regain her love for me. I'm so confused because there never seemed to be anything that bad about our relationship. Her biggest issues that she tells me are that I didn't take her out on enough dates, that I didn't go to bed with her enough (although I did tuck her in every single night and tell her I loved her), that I didn't consider her enough when making decisions or plans, and that she never felt like my wife...but just a friend. So she felt neglected in certain ways. I can admit my own mistakes and I wish I had been more mindful of her feelings...but I've done my best to apologize for any pain I've caused her...and I don't see these things as something that cannot be dealt with or that should destroy an 8 year relationship and marriage.

So now finally to my quest for advice. What should I do and how should I act during this separation? We still talk/text/email every couple days...but not really much to do about our relationship. Just stuff about sharing time with our puppy, her checking to see how I'm doing, etc. Should I try to talk with her more/less? Should I still tell her I love her? Should I try to discuss our relationship issues? Should I try to meet with her in person every week or two? I just don't know how to act and I even asked her what she wanted of me and she told me that she just didn't know.

I'm completely crushed by this and don't know how much space is healthy to give her. I don't want to smother her obviously, but I don't want it to seem like I'm neglecting her and create even more of a divide between us.

If you have any advice for me I would love to hear it. I'll do anything in my power to get our life back and make her happy!

Please help if you can and thank you!