So he left last night. S was so sad and finally broke down to me later in the evening and said he was scared we were going to divorce. I told him that right now Dad just needs some space. Let H know about son - he called him to reassure him that he loved him and said that the problems were about himself and there were things he needed to work out. He then called each D and told them the same. S and I have done some crying and talking / I am heartbroken. Made it through work today - took care of the house - cut the grass and cried the whole time. I have kept tears inside for months - trying not to agitate him in any way - trying to keep the secrets. Now the tears just flow. I am numb. Called an attorney today - just to get information - had no idea the expense! Going to focus right now on getting the house up to speed / getting keys made and locks changed. He has been very communicative today through texts and calls - all about the kids. D is coming home and he asked if he could come over for the evening. I said sure. I know in DR it talks about being positive and happy whenever you interact - right now I am just trying to stay calm and not engage. Is this ok? I am hoping that this approach will someday prove that I am not the enemy. My IC said today though that all he wants is divorce and he won't stop until he gets it. I guess I'm going to go down with respect! Sorry to ramble - thanks for listening! I hope that one day I will be able to help someone out the way that you folks have helped me. Thank you!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I-IMO, you handled your S well. I am sure this will not be the last talk you have with him. Just remember to listen and be the rock for him. He,you all, will be ok.
Originally Posted By: irishblessings
S and I have done some crying and talking / I am heartbroken. Made it through work today - took care of the house - cut the grass and cried the whole time. I have kept tears inside for months - trying not to agitate him in any way - trying to keep the secrets. Now the tears just flow.
This is actually a good thing, the crying. Don't be surprised if it is followed with anger and more crying. We have to feel our feelings in order to process them.
Originally Posted By: Irishblessings
My IC said today though that all he wants is divorce and he won't stop until he gets it.
Can I get the winning lottery numbers please?
Listen, people will sometimes give you their opinions, but you know what those are really worth. Although this may be your IC's experience, please don't let it get in your head and make you crazy. It is simply an opinion.
Have you read "The Secret" or the "Law of Attraction", they are good books that expound on the idea that thoughts become things. So if we project negativity, we attract negative things towards us, and if we project positive things, we attract positive things toward us.
I am sorry that this happened, however I am glad that you stuck to your boundary, that is really important.
Right now, I see this as a time for you both to feel what you need to feel and maybe honestly begin the healing process.
Where that process takes you, has not been determined yet.
"Acceptance doesn't mean resignation. It means understanding that something is what it is and there's got to be a way through it."--Michael J. Fox
I think you are doing beautifully. I know it breaks your heart to see your son so sad. I know it broke mine. Just make sure your son knows that none of this has anything at all to do with him and that you are there for him if he ever wants to talk.
And good for you for going to an attorney to get information. Being informed is always a good thing.
Your h is going to be moving closer and then distant and up and then down. That's why they call this a rollercoaster.
You just keep the focus on you and your son. Do whatever you feel you need to to get through the day. You are at the beginning of this and this is the most difficult part.
If it very important for you to remember to take care of you.
When you are aroung your h, keep it cordial and light. Go about living your life, not as a tactic, but because that is what you should be doing.
This is a great opportunity for you to find out what makes you happy, what makes you feel good inside. It is a time for you to figure out the things you want to change about you and for you to start being a little selfish. Your son is going to be living his life more and more independently - which is as it should be.
So, what is something you always wanted to do, to try? What is something you can do differently.
I got a new haircut and dyed my hair. I love it! I started taking some college classes. I joined a walking group. I went back to reading. I made a few new friends.
IB, I know that you are heartbroken. I wish I could say something to take away the pain.
I can promise you that if you take this journey and I mean really walk it, you will find out amazing things about yourself.
So, take it one day at at time. Know that you will have days when you can barely make it through, but as you continue on, you will find that you can get throught 2 days without crying and then three.
PEI,cat, and Brooklyn - Thank you so much for your input! It continues to help SO much! I look forward to the end of the day and being able to log on and see these perspectives. Today was odd in the fact that several times I teared up - and then there were times when I began to feel angry and fed up with his s--t! I never allow myself to feel those things. So middle D is home for a week and we've been doing some things. S is still angry but I have encouraged him to spend time with his dad. Dad stays around then heads out to his motel - but as we are all talking he refers to me as "honey" and such! WTH??? He, S and I were at an event this evening that was sponsored by my work. As I was introducing H to some people - they were saying "Oh we love her" and "she's so great at what she does" and he just played along. I just wanted to scream - IF YOU ONLY KNEW THE TRUTH ABOUT WHAT HE THINKS ABOUT ME!!! But I held it in and was gracious because at the end of the day - I have to look at myself in the mirror and be okay with how I have handled myself. As always I am so grateful to have found this site and have your voices as lights at the end of this tunnel! Thank you!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
Day 3 - H and D and I go to dinner. S is at friend's house for the night. H has not gotten a room - I offer him the upstairs bedroom because S is not home and it will save money. Met with MC today - he feels H does not really want divorce /instead is battling addictive behaviors. Either way I am on the outside. H still insists that he is headed to a new life on his own. Actually I am doing ok - I know I am in for the long haul. My kids have been awesome. I will make it:)
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I've been checking in on you everyday,YOU are doing great. Each day just do alittle bit more for yourself and stay busy it eases anxiety.
There is nothing wrong with tears.
You are right there follow your heart, the past you see it's been lived you celebrate it and it's been written, our futures they are uncertain, but they haven't been written, so with IC's/MC's just like here use what works.
The very fact he is seeing someone is encouraging and just see it as that, encouraging, don't read into it.
You are going to hear all kinds of advice from friends,family, here, you get to siphon what works, because only you are right there.
But again from what I can see, you're doing great.
AUK - I am so grateful for your input - thanks for following my journey! It means so much that someone is out there paying attention and providing input! It helps so much! I am working so hard to ensure that I can look myself in the mirror and be ok with how I handle myself! Again - thank you so much!
M-48/XH-48 M=25/T=28 years Ds-24,22/S-18 D - 3/11 A Day at a Time
I am working so hard to ensure that I can look myself in the mirror and be ok with how I handle myself!
That's been the bottom line for me. Even though there were times (and may be again), I just wanted to say what I really thought about some things. Now, all thoses things, not so important to me.
