D4ML, your H is a typical guy.lol. No "tricks" to him, he just is sensative. But he isn't capable of being malicious and tricking you.
We gals are WAAAAY better at that sort of thing.
I think I "get" your frustration in IC. Let me take a stab...
If you knew the "real reason", you could address it one way or the other--you could dismiss it as nonsense, or you could take it seriously and work on it.
Getting to the "real reason" is something that takes a lot of time. Your IC told you you may never know, but I think you can know. But it involves a lot of thinking and looking past his hurt (and all the nonsense they say when they are hurt). They ALL have a bit of truth along with the rest of the things they say. And usually? Their angry ugly stuff hides deep fear.
You have already figured out that the LL thing was interpretted incorrectly. And then there are male/female differences to explore. And co-dependency issues can be looked into.
And you have some of your own of course. There is a reason he was attracted to you, and a reason you were attracted to him. Something "worked". And something stopped working. This takes time to figure out. You had a part in this.
I found my sitch got SO much better when I found my part of the breakdown. It almost didn't matter what my H did, because once I found out what I did, I immediately could start to fix me. And he came along with it.
I was very scared to start looking at myself for the "weaknesses", but as I found them I found it very empowering to "do something" about them. This is the control you are looking for. It is control of yourself. You'll love it, I promise. : )
