Ok, abqbelly. I've read your whole thread and I want you to think about something before I talk about anything to do with how to interact with your husband.

A victim of abuse sometimes becomes so used to a pattern of abuse that they unintentionally seek it out because they feel "something isn't right" when their lives are not involved in turmoil. Ignore all the drama about your husband, what he says, what he does and whether or not you want your marriage saved for for a moment...

1. Do you think you can have confidence in yourself in ANY area of your life?
2. Can you tell yourself (and believe it) that you do NOT need to seek anyone to make you happy, but that YOU can make YOURSELF happy?
3. Can you go 12 hours, 24 hours, 48 hours, longer, without seeking out ANYONE else to feel alive and connected and loved?

At this point, your marriage is incidental to what is really going on in your life. I don't think you'll have a chance to save anything (including your self-esteem) if you continue this path of pleading, hating, pleading..... You must get a handle on your own psychological issues before you can attempt any kind of reconciliation with your husband, if that is what you ultimately want to do.

I have to be very honest here. Your issues are more important than your marriage. You HAVE to deal with this before you can hope to have a good relationship with ANY significant other, let alone a man who has been your abuser.

If you still think you want reconcilation after you've dealt with the abuse issues, you need to learn how to do that when he's the abuser and you need to UNDERSTAND he won't change just because you did - he has to want to change.

It is NOT your fault you have been abused, but now it IS your responsibility to break the cycle.

Me 32, H 34, DD 3
M 6, T 8
Bomb 03/10
OW Bomb 6/5/10
Separate & NC 6/28/10
My 2nd EA Thread