real quick: have you guys not seen some kind of parenting advisor/communications coach/counselor to help you create a co-parenting plan? That's where this is better worked out, not with the L's, IMO. I know it's more $ but maybe it will cut through some of the bull****.
If you have an idea of things you want, you just need to speak up- if they were yours before M or yours exclusively, she has no logical claim on them. Sure, let her present her list, but be ready right then with, well this is my list, let's compare. Oops, looks like we both listed this one, let's put that aside til the end and do the easy ones first, etc. If it makes you feel better to pre-empt her by mentioning the things that are important to you, then tackle them first- bring them up. but I'm not sure it matters who asks for it first as long as you speak up right away after she does if it's something you want. It's not like when we were kids and someone "called it" first- she doesn't get to play that way
When the men on the chessboard Get up and tell you where to go; And you've just had some kind of mushroom And your mind is moving slow; Go ask Alice... I think she'll know.
