Completely Blindsided

[blind]

Ok... so I logged in this morning to an email from her... she said: "i feel sad and lonely today, not that i have any justification in telling you this, and i thought about phoning you for a chat but then i thought i didn't have any justification doing that either."

There was some other chatty bits too. She was still online when I logged in, so I sent her a pm saying "Don't ever be afraid to send me stuff"... and she replied in a chatty way, and we just started talking.

She kept it focused on me, and I kept it upbeat. I talked a lot about dancing, but tried to keep it vauge. A lot of times she had to ask me who people were that I mentioned.

...then she called. We talked for abotu 20 mins. It was again, upbeat. I made light jokes... LOTS of light jokes. She mentioned going out to a club with her cousin, and a guy she'd known from ages ago was there as the Marketing manager. Her cousin ended up making out with this guy's friend... and my W put her number down on the 'marketing sheet', and the guy has been calling her non-stop. She's told him to get lost.

I'm trying not to second guess that too much, but my mind is going to places like "she's done it again and feeling guilty"...

But if I take it all at face value, she's getting lonely, reaching out to me, telling me about how she's repelling other guy's advances...

I don't know what to think.

The point I'm left at now is - do I reply to her email? We talked around it, so it's not like there's anything left to say... but then it's "My turn", and if I don't reply to this, she has nothing to reply to, and the conversation dies again.

... so do I leave it or reply?

I'm thinking leave it - cause if I hadn't been there this morning she would have spent a night being lonely and missing what we had... so maybe that's the answer?

I don't know.

I don't want to let myself feel hope.