And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[beingreal]

Oh, cat...your entire post just made me want to cry. All of it. Thank you so much for putting your heart out there for us. (((hugs)))

Seeing as we're not in a place where we're 'working on us' and this is supposed to be time he's using for himself, I'm choosing to not dwell on it. I'm doing what I said and not acting on feelings/beliefs/thoughts ... only on what I KNOW for sure. Confirmation at this point could very well send me over the edge so I am not pursuing it. All will be revealed as I am ready for it and strong enough to deal with it from a place of peace, not anger.

Amen, sista.

I actually went snooping early on. I don't know why. I knew what I expected to find, I just have no idea what I was going to do with it. I found nothing that even hinted at an A. Of course, I found perhaps two references to me...small references. Not the name calling, bashing, hateful words I'd expected. I guess he'd been saving those for in person.

My point is, I think we all wonder. I think most of us snoop at some point. But you are right--be careful what you go looking for. In my case, I found nothing & felt...nothing. I still didn't have anything to blame his behavior on. I didn't have any proof that I wasn't crazy. I had nothing.

Except the guilt from having snooped.

You are right in not wanting to know. Even if it seems too difficult to resist...do resist. It doesn't matter what you do or don't find. We can't change what they are doing--I don't even want to know anymore if he finds a GF.

I can't let that affect me & my journey. We can't go forward if we are glancing over our shoulder to see wth they are doing now. kwim??

you are doing great, girlie.