I have a hunch that this OW in your case will DISAPPEAR once she has her degree and has landed her first job and doesn't need him anymore. Then the ball's back in your court. I could be wrong, of course, but that's what I'm suspecting.
It's my guess as well - unless, of course, she decides to do her post-doc here. I'll have to wait and see...
Originally Posted By: MarieC
As for my spouse, if she gets pregnant in Germany, she OWNS him until the kid is 26.
OMG - those Germans don't mess around, do they? So he's pretending like he's not with her yet he's NOT taking precautions? He needs a good whack upside the head with a 2x4!
Originally Posted By: MarieC
He was very upset when we weren't able to have kids. Our only hard time prior to this was when I lost a baby at 15 weeks; he had been so looking forward "to having someone I'm related to." That would be the nail in the coffin for us, I fear.
My heart goes out to you, Marie. This was not your fault, you had no control over it. Perhaps, if this all works out, you can try again. If not, perhaps you, too, could adopt.
Originally Posted By: MarieC
I wonder if my husband got upset with bimbo for talking about this visit, when he still seems to be keeping her under wraps. He has gone so far as to deny he left me to our former neighbor and an older man who has always been such a dear friend to us - and to me he acts like bimbo doesn't exist. (I do NOT understand *this* at all, as I am open about her existence.)
This is insane! I don't get this at all. Is his denial part of the fantasy?
That boy should be GROVELING AT YOUR FEET and begging for forgiveness instead of worrying what the neighbors think!
Originally Posted By: MarieC
I wonder if I screwed up when he started writing so often and trying to get a conversation going when I only politely but almost curtly responded, but never enthusiastically and never warmly, which is totally out of character for me. So I have been wondering if he has been trying to make overtures that I've just repeatedly shot down.
It's hard to say. You didn't refuse to correspond - you just weren't your regular congenial self. But why should you be? He's living with OW and has made your life a living hell for months. Countries have gone to war for less.
Originally Posted By: MarieC
He also knows that when I was in London a few weeks ago, I met my up with old friends, including an old boyfriend who had proposed marriage several times. My old boyfriend has a PhD in economics and is so successful (he's a multimillionaire and executive at a huge company. My husband still started writing (actually, started writing MORE) when I was in London and kept up the increased friendliness and effort to stimulate conversation (which I only minimally responded to) for the last three weeks.
He's jealous and worried you're moving on - which he should be! He took it for granted that you'd stay at home drowning your sorrows in Haagen-Dazs, awaiting his return like the prodigal son. That you skipped town to see an old boyfriend freaked him out.
Originally Posted By: MarieC
So I've been wondering if I missed some "baby steps" on his side toward at least starting a conversation again, as I was so focused on not "chasing" him and going dim....
Don't obsess over this. When he wants to see, he'll find you - just as he did last week on the street. You haven't slammed any doors in his face, you haven't not responded to texts and emails, you haven't been nasty.
I still think he's either pouting, re-strategizing, or dealing with OW crisis. You'll see him again.
