As much as all of this hurts (and it is debilitating) there really is nothing you can do to MAKE him realize he is wrong.
All you can do is become the best you that you can be. For you and for your children. Become the best you for your present and future.
My H had an affair, left me out of the clear blue, I lost my biggest client and almost lost my business, I became VERY ill, was diagnosed with a situational panic disorder and went through a legal battle that was hell. My H drained our funds, took our vehicle and was beyond awful. I almost lost my house twice. My H almost lost his job (where he has worked for 13 years and is in a very senior position) because of the OW. Sometimes there is nothing you can do but focus on you. Of course I am the better option but I am not a hot 25yo redhead that is willing to hop in the sack with a married man because he makes an impressive salary.
Your H doesn't hate you. Your H hates the fact that his affair isn't quite as easy as he thought. He hates the fact he will have severe consequences for his actions. He hates the fact his plan of a simple and easy "even" divorce will not come to fruition. He hates the fact that you (in his eyes) are the obstacle to his happiness. He hates the circumstances HE created but I bet he doesn't hate you.
It would be nice of strength was sold in bottles so we could take a few doses and be on our way. I was at the bottom of the bottom and each day I know I can do this and get a little stronger. So can you and we will cheer you on while you do.
People that have affairs might look good on the "outside". They might have good jobs and decent families and all of that but deep inside they are broken. Busted and broken. We can support an individual when they are broken and encourage them in their journey but we can't fix them.
As much as it hurts (and my H was the worse and nothing short of emotionally and verbally abusive) all of the crap they say is just that. Crap. The gaslighting, blameshifting and everything else that cheaters must embrace is not you.
