D11 said tonight that H acted not like his old self when it was just him and both the kids but acted all happy when he was around OW. Just thought that was interesting.
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CW - Remember OW is his drug...instant high. Also remember how people are during courtship, they will do everything to please the OP, even if it means faking it. That too will end when the "in love" chemicals wear off.
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They can keep up the act until the chemicals wear off. Those chemicals are powerful and for a reason. The chemicals last 6 months to 2 years. After that, it’s all them.
From what I have read (primarily Helen Fisher) that is true, under normal circumstances. Drama can exacerbate the 'problem'. Secrets, having to sneak around, any adversity to the R can keep the chemicals going. this is why pursuing, begging pleading,etc actually feeds the affair.
But don't forget about long-term attachment, which develops after the chemicals wear off and each recognizes and accepts the here-to-now unnoticed 'flaws'. This is triggered in the WS when the BS 'goes in the other direction'. Fisher's 'Why We Love" explains this really well, much better than I.
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
Oh, oh, like when we would date someone in highschool that our parents didn't like or forbid us from seeing? So we'd want to see them more, I get it!! So the key then is to say, yes, go do whatever you want, who cares, I don't care, then it's less attractive much quicker to them (if they are going to fall apart anyways eventually). Is that it?
Hey everyone...interesting discussion...I should put that book on my list.
When H dropped the bomb the end of August, he said the it had been going on for about a year...started as an EA and had turned into a PA right before bomb drop. It wasn't a secret to me but he still snuck around behind my back and hid his wallet, keys phone etc. OW let the cat out of the bag in Feb. at their work place...she and H moved in together after he filed the end of Feb. soooo...it is not a secret since then...
Sooo...approx 1 yr and 10mos since the A started and 4mos since it has not been a secret.
Wonder how long it will take for those pesky hormones to wear off?
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Does this add to the length of the affair as well?
If you react to the lies and such? probably.
Quote:
Wonder how long it will take for those pesky hormones to wear off?
Who can guess? Fisher's work was done with "normal people", not those with evident neuroses. (lol)
If I look back on my long-term R's, I can see the chemicals at work. Sometimes, something would happen that would short them out and end the R early. For example, I had been dating a guy in college for about a year. I was crazy about him. Then one day we were driving down the street and he got really angry at another driver to the point of getting out of the car and yelling at them. Chemicals gone! Short-circuited! R over! Felt nothing for him after that. My best guess is 2-3 years after the the "love" is returned. Unrequited love can go much longer. (like a crush. crushes will dissipate if the object is out of sight/mind, which is why AP's can't be friends)
"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine!" 1st thread
WN!!! You were not t/j...this is all very interesting!
Just journaling...
H said he would work today on the tree limb that fell. My neighbor said that she met H coming into town as she was going out 45mins before he had to p/u S14 for school..now, 45 mins isn't really enough time to get that chore done. D11 tried calling him and it went to VM so he calls back and as I answered hello I hear him yelling "GDamit!!!!" He was yelling cuz he was going to have to wait on a train. Said he didn't realize that the limb was so big and would come work on it more Thur.
There is definitely some anger going on...
Kids and I put branches in a pile and then while we were getting the tiller going to work on the weeds in the garden, neighbor's son came over and said he wanted to work on the tree limb (I admit I hesitated since H was going to come again Thur to work on it) so he and S14 sawed up a bunch of stuff and we got most of it done....H will be surprised when he comes Thur. I was torn...wanted to say thanyou no to neighbor as I think H should not get out of doing this chore but then decided that he needs to see that we are quite capable (with a little help) of getting the stuff done without him!
Nieghbor also said that he and his Dad have apparently talked and plan to take down that tree for us. Again, I hesitated and then reminded myself that H no longer lives here and this is MY decision and I will let them do it...it needs to come down. Now, if H wants to saw it up and use it then that is fine.
Also, my boss sent me an email today offering to help with getting a house in the next town where kids go to school. She wants to as an investment and I could do a land contract with her! Will think on that....
In a way, I feel like the victim of a natural disaster and am amazed and humbled at eveyone who has offered help and support!!!
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