Having thoughts about if I should confront WH with knowledge that I have about most recent activity that I know about. It just bothers me because I feel like he feels like he is "pullling one over on me". I'm just so angry and upset.
I'm also having major anxiety today and feeling really sad. I keep thinking back to the wedding and keep thinking that maybe I could have been nicer too and tried to intiate conversation. I don't know why I feel bad but I do.
I am remembering that when people were doing toasts everyone raised their glasses and was tapping glasses and WH went to tap mine and I just pulled mine away from his and didn't tap.
I hate this so much. I don't want this at all. I wish it wasn't like this. I miss him so much.
Please put a stop to these spiralling thoughts. It will get you nowhere. I speak from experience here, bitter experience. I know how you must miss the husband you thought you had, but he is under the influence of his addiction, and nothing will change until that changes. He needs professional help. You cannot help him now, except to make sure you are okay. Because if you go down, there is no knowing the kind of guilt he will feel once the addiction is beaten. He only thinks this is what he wants. So, until all is won, you must find a way to GAL, live for yourself.
Telling him what you know will make no difference at all.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
I know you are right. I can do this. I sound so pathetic.
Give me some ideas. I actually to "have a life". I have friends and good number of activities that I do but I still think about him and obsess about everything. How do I make it stop? How do I stop caring? I don't want to feel this way. I don't want to be this way.
Like I said, for all he knows I could care less about him because I don't have any contact with him (except if it is something regarding bills/bank account) but for me, how do I make myself "get over it" and move on?
It takes time. What you have to keep telling yourself is that you are no good to anyone unless you take care of you. I don't say you shouldn't care about him, but I do say that you should care from a distance, emotionally and geographically. You've just started on this journey, so give yourself a break. You're not going to suddenly stop the obsessive thoughts immediately. But, slowly it will lessen as you live your life, going out with friends, concentrating on hobbies, going to the gym, reading a book, or whatever. I would advise keeping a journal to see how you are progressing. Although, writing here is pretty much a journal too.
You don't sound pathetic; you are just being honest about how you feel. This is a good place to let it all out because we don't know you in real life, and we don't judge, only give advice that you can take or leave. Often the advice given here is from similar or more painful experience. We have all run this race; some are at the beginning, and some have gone beyond the end. In time, you will get your stride, get your second breath, and as I do, wonder why you worried so much. I wouldn't eat for days because of my obsessive thoughts. I felt I was in a whirlpool of negative, and worrying imaginings. Thank goodness, that's over for me, and I am sure it will be for you too. Just give it time.
Take care.
Me:57 H:52 M:28 Got another lawyer last year and filed. D35,S/D twins28,D22 EA4/04 End? Who knows? "Life is like a mirror. Smile at it and it smiles back at you." — Peace Pilgrim
...you are powerless over OTHER PEOPLE'S addictions.... ...you can't control other people.... ...it's not your fault....
You can control YOUR thoughts, words and actions. You can change your belief's.
I would like to challenge you:
1)Change what you think about and how you feel will also change. If you want to feel better, think about positive past experiences, or accomplishing future positive goals.
2) Focus on the present. Do things that you enjoy. Enjoy things you do. There is no need to focus your energy on the past.
"What is best for my kids is best for me" Amor Fati Link to quotes: https://www.divorcebusting.com/forums/ubbthreads.php?ubb=showflat&Number=2879712
Ok so WH just emailed me and said that he was coming by the house tomorrow (I am usually in the office) but tomorrow I am working from home.
I answered and said "Thanks for letting me know, I will be here because my work schedule has changed."
Questions!
1) When he comes should I greet him or stay in office (in basement)? 2) I still have some pictures of us up around the house, should I take them down before he comes over? 3) How should I act when he is here? What should I say? 4) What if he asks to stay and watch TV or play with dog?
Got it! That's kind of what I was planning to do. I'm assuming he will let himself in. His mail and the key he needs (for the reunion we are planning) are sitting on the counter. I'll stay in my office unless he comes down to greet me.
Just took all the pictures down that had him/his family in them.
If he does greet me how should I act - aloof? Annoyed? Happy?
