"i was nervous. and was probably happy that he didn't answer the door."
This is what you need to work on. He wants out.. or away from you for whatever his reasons are. He still is someone you know.. he is still someone you were/are friends with. You have to understand that it is easy to push someone away with words. You just need to watch for when you are coming on too strong. Nothing to be nervous about. The idea is that when/if you interact with him.. or anyone else.. you can put you mind into your GAL activity and think about the situation with a distanced mind. You will find that if you are not focused on the "meeting" it becomes easier to let things go with the flow.
"he might call security and say that i'm harassing him."
Maybe. That would be fine. Again.. don't do anything quite yet to make that happen.
"on a serious note, i want to buy the house though. regardless of everything, the house is on the top of the list."
I understand. Don't change your list.. just keep it close and don't act quite yet. Having a goal is important.
"you make it sound like it's going to get worse. how wonderful."
It getting worse.. is in a way wonderful. Again.. DB'ing is about trying things.. and monitoring the outcome. Then using that info to hone your new found creative ways. If you make it worse.. you know to stop. If it gets a little better.. try again. You also have to look at the situation from all points of view. Did you do something to screw up its effectiveness? There is not a ton of things you can do that will affect this either way. You keep hearing that.. cause it is true. But it is not the road block you think it is. Michelle focused on the chasing because it is the first thing 99% of people do. It is not the act of chasing that is at fault. It is that people keep doing it even when it is failing. Chasing the cheese! (You did read the books right?)
"when he didn't answer the door, i didn't freak out. i'm hoping that anything else that comes this way, i will handle it the same way."
This.. is a small step! Good for you.
"the good thing is, i leave feeling good so i always have a smile on my face."
Keep it up.
"anyway, my ic would like me to go to my family doctor. she says my doctor needs to know what's going on with me. she also believes that i may need more intensive therapy than what she is providing me."
On the first 2 statements of that I agree. Unless you can get it under control.
On the 3rd statement.. you are getting some pretty intensive therapy here.
I think that if you can get the sleep.. eat right.. and work on yourself. You might be surprised at what you can accomplish. Remember anger needs something to feed on.. so it will keep you going in a circle. If it is overwhelming.. then again.. go see the doc!
"we ended up playing a game that night."
That is some "Crazy Talk!" right there!! No WAY! I was sure he hated you and never wanted to see you again! God.. I hate it when I am wrong!
"i'm not reading much into it as i believe he's only putting up a front."
Which front is real though? It is a question you do not need to answer. It is just a statement by me.
"I wasn't being literal."
I had to laugh at that.
"i'm having a difficult time posting as i believe my h is using forrest's advice against me."
I am not sure he could use anything against you. Nothing I have told you to do has the intention of getting a reaction from him. If he is reacting to what I have said.. then he is not very good at playing the game. Cause he is showing his hand.
I agree with LauraOH 100%.
She has some very good observations in her post.
"am i supposed to leave? i don't want to. But then i'd be breaking forrest's rule."
They are ground rules. Let me put it to you this way.. if you break a rule.. and do something silly.. I am gonna call you out on it. If you break a rule and act smartly about it.. I am likely to look the other way. I knew when posting the rule that you went to the same club and lived in the same building. Hence my "If you get trapped". Now.. you will notice that just by me saying.. do this.. if you see him, made you stop and think for a sec. Did you stand up straight? Did you smile?
"but the other day, my friends were doing drills on the court and having fun. guess who asks to join in on the fun?"
So.. what you are saying.. is that people that are having fun.. attract people that want to have fun? I was sure I posted that somewhere on here!
"next time you invite him, no pressure or expectations"
Walk in expecting him to join you.
Relax Eat Think Act normal React.. Smartly. Do something different. Emulate. Do Work.
