Need a Plan for My Marriage

[LSG]

SunnyD,

I appreciate you taking the time to read my whole thread. It made my day to see someone take an interest in my sitch, and the some of the difficulties I am facing daily with my W.

You are right that no one should be treated this way. I wish none of us here had to endure the type of treatment we experience. I am glad it is me that is going through this with my W and not someone else. I would not want anyone to experience my marital problems. It is hard, but I know I have the spirit to handle it. She may have destroyed our love, but my spirit that is me is still fighting.

You are right that there is something to gained from the rollercoaster. I will be glad when it over, so I have time to reflect on myself. Self reflection will be important to me when this ends. I hope it is soon.

Thank you so very much for your response yesterday!!!

[LSG]

W somehow accessed my e-mail today, and she deleted all my e-mails in one folder related to my sitch, but she did not delete the trash, so I was able to retrieve it. It is good because she will think it is gone now.

I found out today that even when I have "signed out" and click the "refresh" button I am logged in again. Is there anyway to fix this?

She is also direct paying all the bills from her credit union.

I started sobbing talking to my mom today. She said I need to let go because I am still in love with my W. She said that the way I am being treated is wrong, and that I need to let go before this destroys me.

I agree with her. I thought I was, but I guess not. I am just in a terrible place with what seems no way out yet.

I have to stay positive and keep moving forward for me and the kids.

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG,

Make copies of your stuff to flash drive in case she wants to do it again. When you are ready to start dating, they are saying its real easy at match.com.

[LSG]

DLS,

There is so much I need to do, but I am so overwhelmed by everything and emotionally tired to do much these days. I have to get over this to protect myself and the kids.

As for dating, I don't think I ever want to be in another relationship ever. I would rather be lonely and by myself then to go through what I have experienced with my STBXW. I don't think I am H material for any woman.

Thank you for the advice.

[idontunderstand]

LSG

Thanks, as always, for your support in my sitch and for posting on my thread. It is always good to hear from you, even when you aren't feeling so good yourself.

started sobbing talking to my mom today. She said I need to let go because I am still in love with my W. She said that the way I am being treated is wrong, and that I need to let go before this destroys me.

I agree with her. I thought I was, but I guess not. I am just in a terrible place with what seems no way out yet.

You know that you're mom is right. It doesn't make it any easier to put in action. We have all been told the same thing here many times. You have to let her go. If , sometime in the future there is any type of reconciliation or even co-parenting relationship, you have to let go before you can start to really heal and get on with your life. The life you will have as a great father with your kids.

As for dating, I don't think I ever want to be in another relationship ever. I would rather be lonely and by myself then to go through what I have experienced with my STBXW. I don't think I am H material for any woman.

I find myself thinking the same way. Then again, don't you miss the feeling of companionship with someone of the opposite sex? I know I do. It's not just sex, either; it's everything that comes with it. I sometimes don't know if I will ever be able to trust anyone again and I don't know if I would get married any time soon, but I do miss it . You know what I mean? I know how you feel. We're sure not getting it from our W now. It's way off in the future, just don't slam the door shut on those future possibilities.


As always, take care of yourself and be the best dad your kids could ever hope for!

[DaddyLongShanks]

LSG

Thanks, as always, for your support in my sitch and for posting on my thread. It is always good to hear from you, even when you aren't feeling so good yourself.

started sobbing talking to my mom today. She said I need to let go because I am still in love with my W. She said that the way I am being treated is wrong, and that I need to let go before this destroys me.

I agree with her. I thought I was, but I guess not. I am just in a terrible place with what seems no way out yet.

You know that you're mom is right. It doesn't make it any easier to put in action. We have all been told the same thing here many times. You have to let her go. If , sometime in the future there is any type of reconciliation or even co-parenting relationship, you have to let go before you can start to really heal and get on with your life. The life you will have as a great father with your kids.

As for dating, I don't think I ever want to be in another relationship ever. I would rather be lonely and by myself then to go through what I have experienced with my STBXW. I don't think I am H material for any woman.

I find myself thinking the same way. Then again, don't you miss the feeling of companionship with someone of the opposite sex? I know I do. It's not just sex, either; it's everything that comes with it. I sometimes don't know if I will ever be able to trust anyone again and I don't know if I would get married any time soon, but I do miss it . You know what I mean? I know how you feel. We're sure not getting it from our W now. It's way off in the future, just don't slam the door shut on those future possibilities.


As always, take care of yourself and be the best dad your kids could ever hope for!

Quit all this negative self-talk. Just because your wife became wayward has no bearing on you as a man or a husband. We are not supposed to let it define us, because that is not the definition.

You will enjoy the company of other women who like spending time with a man like yourself.

Being lonely and alone is not a good example for your children. Just because you and their mother are most likely not going to work out, it doesn't mean that your kids should not see you with a lady who loves to see you happy.

[LSG]

IDU,

I guess for me feeling good is relative.

I just discover so many more things W does to me, and I lose hope sometimes, and I guess today it got the better of me. I find that I become emotional sometimes when someone says something to me, and it hits me a certain way.

I always want to give support to everyone, but it is extremely hard sometimes, but I do find that helps to help others. I am so glad that I am able to give you support and that you appreciate it.

I know my mom is right as well as everyone here. I try not to let myself get down about it as much. I do not believe I deserve what is happening to me, nor does anyone else here. I have to believe that I will be okay no matter what too. I do not ever see reconciliation with her as possible. I could never be with her again even though I love her still after what has happened in our M. I am done, but I just have not let go of the feeling I have for her yet.

My only concern is for my kids that I love so much. They deserve to be happy even if I am not at the moment.

I do miss the companionship of the opposite sex so much. It is just I do not miss the pain that it has brought to me. I never want to feel this way again in my life. I guess I have trust issues with starting a relationship. I know there are alot of great woman out there. I see so many wonderful woman on here. I just don't see myself with anyone else other than my STBXW. I married forever. Even if we are D I do not want to break that vow I made to myself either even if we are D in the eyes of the law.

Maybe I will feel different in the future, but I just don't see that happening for a long time.

You help me in so many ways just having your support. You understand me and my sitch so well. Thank you for taking the time to help me through this so often!

[DaddyLongShanks]

Trust me, I have felt the same way as you - and its utter non-sense.

[LSG]

DLS,

I know you are right that it has no bearing on me, but sometime, I find it had to believe that in my mind with all the things she has said to me. I replay in my head over and over, "that you are not even a very good husband." that she said to me. It still hurts, and it really lowered the self-worth and self-esteem that I once held. I wish I did not let these remarks from her define me, but I just feel them so deeply inside.


"You will enjoy the company of other women who like spending time with a man like yourself."
I am sure you are right. I just wish I felt it. I do not want to be with anyone except my STBXW. I guess I just felt it is better to keep focused on myself and the kids and do what a good father would do to take care of them and not cause them any additional stress. They need to be kids and not have to deal with this bullsh!t ever again from what I am going through. I don't want them to see their father hurt like this again.

I do want them to see me happy, and I hope to be very happy as a single man. I will find interest to fill my time and heal.

I like how you are harsh to me and kind and at the same time. I need that every now and again. You do it in the right way for me.

Thank you so much for taking the time to support me here. It does help me!

[DaddyLongShanks]

When I do it for you, I'm doing it for myself and others - so its not that hard. Hopefully I have some good stories to tell soon. You did about all you could in your situation.