I validated my a$$ off when she started listing the things that I did wrong. "I'm sorry you feel that way, I agree I wasn't always fun to be around, you're right....." I said that I am willing, wanting to learn and not repeat my past mistakes, that I wasn't afraid of what the C would say to me and I know I am not perfect. She said she knew she made mistakes too. I have seen it suggested here that a sign of leading is going to C myself and working on myself even if she doesn't continue to go. I am doing that. I have an appt. next week. Right now, she refuses to go.
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Instead of moving forward, you asked about a L. Considering where you were a few months ago, do you really have that little patience for a change? If so, then the question is appropriate. If not, why ask for what you don't want. Do you want her to get a L and get the idea of a D more into her head?
Again, I have read where this is the thing to do if the WAS is content on living in limbo. I DO NOT want a D. I CANNOT continue living like this for much longer. She won't leave the house. I said we would let the lawyers tell us who would stay and who would go. Like I said, she backed off again.
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She wants you to stay because she LOVES YOU around! That is progress. You're doing some good stuff. Why not apologize for a bit of overreacting on your and her part, and try to get MC or an alternative going.
I'm sorry, I just don't see it that way. Maybe I'm in a little fog of my own.
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I know it seems like she's in an EA. If she is, it will come out in time. If she is wanting to work on the relationship, she is putting you first. Ask if you must, but if the answer isn't going to help you meet your goal, why ask?
Look for those 180s you haven't done to earn back her trust, and to have her earn your trust. She lied/is ashamed of something. It will come out in time.
I don't really see her working on it. I am done asking. I have caught her in so many lies, I don't know what to think anymore. I am always looking for 180's and trying things different and things that work. I know I haven't been DBing for very long, but the whole sitch has been going on for about eight months. How much more limbo should I stand for?
In reading some of Greek's posts, I realize that separation could be a good thing. The only time it seems like she backs off is when I make her think of how she would make it on her own. Let her go try and see, I'm fine with that. She won't leave.
Be a leader or be a doormat. I am doing the best that I can after letting myself be walked on for soo long. I'm sure I am still screwing up some. She doesn't like boundaries. Will she realize in time what I'm trying to do is for the best for our family and future M? IDK.
