W left for awhile after she saw the thread, then came back. I told her that she could lose her job over having the OM there. She got mad at me and threw her water at me (it didn't hit me though). She yelled, "I didn't ask him to come to my work!" I told her, "I can't stop the birds from landing on my head, but I can stop them from making a nest in my hair."
She got up very early this morning (which she never does), did a little cleaning and asked me, "You're not going to tell my boss about OM coming there, are you, because I'm going to quit." I said, "No, don't worry." Then she left the house. I am supposed to leave for work in a half an hour. I might have to take the day off if she doesn't come back soon. I am here with the kids. She also took my keys. Oh, I think she is back now.
She doesn't seem too interested in this forum.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
(I guess she didn't take my keys - I just couldn't find them.) She had gone to the store. I told her I was sorry. She said, "For what?" I said, "For whatever I have done." She reminded me that she didn't ask OM to come to her work and the door is open and that she HAS asked him not to go there. She also reminded me of my past mistakes again and she says that I don't love her. She says she doesn't want him and she doesn't want me. She said, "Go find another wife." At that point, I left for work.
I have asked her what it would take for our relationship to work. And she says that she would have to get amnesia so she could forget what a bad husband I was. How I moved her from one state to another when she didn't want to move, how I wasn't showing enough care and concern when the kids were born, how I chatted with other women and did porn (which I did for a brief time I'm very ashamed to say). I have to own up to that - because her memories of these things is apparently where my problem lies.
The good news is - it seems that she is starting to see the OM for who he really is. But she is unwilling to get a protective order on him because she doesn't want to hurt his reputation.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
(I guess she didn't take my keys - I just couldn't find them.) She had gone to the store. I told her I was sorry. She said, "For what?" I said, "For whatever I have done." She reminded me that she didn't ask OM to come to her work and the door is open and that she HAS asked him not to go there. She also reminded me of my past mistakes again and she says that I don't love her. She says she doesn't want him and she doesn't want me. She said, "Go find another wife." At that point, I left for work.
Ken, this is what happens when you lead with an apology to a wayward wife. It's supplicating and it doesn't work.
You have already owned your part with her, if I remember your back-thread correctly (and I've read every post you've ever written). To KEEP bringing up how sorry you are for your contributions to the dysfunction in your marriage, PRECISELY NOW WHEN SHE IS EXHIBITING SUCH POOR BEHAVIOR, is only going to serve to ENABLE and JUSTIFY her affair choices.
"If I make what YOU'RE doing look crazy, it takes all the focus off me!"
Calling you dozens of time...going to wife's work when her boss isn't there...shoving your kids out of the room.
I'm already scared!
This guy is obsessing/unstable and a danger to your family. Get a restraining order NOW! Your wife may have been lured into the danger zone, but she has no right to drag your girls along with her.
Step 1: Protect your family Step 2: Rally your friends, relatives, & church members to help Step 3: Throw wife a lifeline once this guy's gone
WAW's in the affair fog and can't see the danger this man presents. If he's locked up and she has to go cold turkey, it may be enough to snap her out of it...
I called the authorities yesterday evening to find out what I could do about getting a restraining or protective order, and they said there's nothing I can do as long as she welcomes him around the kids. She would have to want to do that. Maybe there is something I can tell W. I've already told her that he is a predator and dangerous. She doesn't seem to believe me.
My wife is asking for a divorce and I don't completely understand why.
Ken, if you get one for YOU and your wife or kids are there he can't go near your kids or your wife either...
If you have one then he has to stay AWAY from you and everything that YOU SURROUND yourself with.. are you THINKING here?
Ken.. go GET IT and STOP making EXCUSES... its a STATEMENT to have one.. the OM will have that on FILE after that and you GETTING one may just SCARE HIM OFF on its OWN... if he KNOWS you have the POLICE filing stuff on him he may just BACK OFF
Use your HEAD KEN... go GET IT and STOP RATIONALIZING to make excuses for your inaction...
GO DO IT...
Good comment on the making nests in the hair... I love it!
There's NOTHING WRONG with you posting here Ken...
I just meant that if he felt uncomfortable or hindered at the thought of her reading his posts that he might want a different user name. I just didn't want him to do like the other guy and make wrong promises just to satisfy her.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She's still throwing stuff at you (and it makes no difference in the level of respect if it hits you or not). I just can't understand why you can't see how awful that is for a woman to treat her H that way.
You are still apologizing to her. Just when you could really gain more ground, you turn around and start pleading with her again. I know it's been very hard for you. You have some dedicated people here who is working to help you through this. You deserve so much better in a wife. Maybe she'll realize that one day and decide that she's ready to be that woman, but today obvisiously isn't the day, so continue to press forward in what you've been told to do.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
