still separated, headed for D?

[Seeing Red]

I am having fun with my last "hurrah" with WH! I won't post everything but I am just doing little experiments here and there. I still plan on going through with the big D in July and surprising WH with that as well! So I don't feel like I have anything to lose-just want him to think twice is all. I have seen the reality of D, looked it in the eye, and know what I am going to experience. I am ready if needed!

Larry calls this the "Point of No Return" bog. You've got your mind set and are floating toward the divorce waterfall, but you haven't gone over yet. Let's see if the filing snaps your WH out of his fog so he jumps in after you and pulls you back...

[newmama]

OK he started the paperwork on 5/14 I guess. So tonight I was busy starting to paint the bathroom, installing childproof latches (attempted), trying to set up the damn printer but disconnected the internet somehow in the process.

I truly needed help with a couple of things. So he put S to bed, fixed the latch in 2 minutes (IT TOOK ME 30 MINUTES!!!!) and reinstalled all the computer stuff for the internet connection to be re-established. Then said "just a minute, I'll be right back."

He went to his car and returned with a purple file folder. He sat down on the couch and said he had some things to go over with me (? WHY NOT SAY I HAVE THE DIVORCE PAPERS???). Everything was there. He got choked up and so did I, but I said "well I'm ready to move on and date." He told me to take my time looking over the paperwork.

Then he said he was moving to my town, on the other side, renting a house with HER!! SHE IS GOING TO LIVE IN MY TOWN!

I told him I wanted to move to the next town sometime next year. (I wanted to before I found out he was moving here)He said well we need to think about school districts (for S). I said well I'll probably be married by then and we'll figure that out later. Who knows where I will be at that point.

(seriously-does he actually think I am going to be staying in one spot forever?)

Then he said "I know you want me to leave." I said "well if there is anything else you need to say you can." "no."
I said it was too bad we had to have a son brought into this mess. He said yeah, but we will do the best we can. He will be okay.

I asked him when he will get his stuff. He said in a couple of weeks. (I will be packing his stuff this weekend- Happy Father's Day! and have it ready for him in the garage.)


So then he left and I called him about a question regarding the parenting plan. Then I texted him to say "you shouldn't let yourself in anymore since you don't live here."

Ah well. I tried! I am improved for my next relationship. He is broken. Ravenly talked to me and gave me some really good support and advice! THANK YOU Ravenly!
It hurts but not as bad as it did if that makes sense. I have closure I guess.



Now I need to find a notary!

[WhatNow]

{{{{{{nm}}}}}}}

[bluestar]

You know it's funny they see themselves as free or changed but they really expect us to stay in our little boxes where they left us forever. I'm glad you brought up remarrying. That should give him something to think about.

{{{{nm}}}}

[flowmom]

I'm so sorry Newmama. I hope you allow yourself to fully feel whatever this brings up for you. And don't feel you have to put on a brave face for anyone...if that's not how you're feeling. (((hugs)))

[courageous wife]

(((NM)))

I am sorry to read this this morning.

Sounds like you handled yourself well.

Let it sink in...

You are a beautiful woman and a wonderful mother!!!

[elvencat]

(((newmama)))

It hurts but not as bad as it did if that makes sense. I have closure I guess.

If H and I eventually finally split, I KNOW I'll feel better about myself knowing I did all I possibly could. I think this is where you're at... having closure.. no questions and what ifs left to think about.

[Seeing Red]

If H and I eventually finally split, I KNOW I'll feel better about myself knowing I did all I possibly could. I think this is where you're at... having closure.. no questions and what ifs left to think about.

Sorry to hear this nm, but I agree with elvencat. If you've done everything you feel you could have to save the relationship, then you'll have no regrets about moving on.

Take a deep breath...then get back out there and find someone who thinks you set the moon. He's out there, wondering where you've been all his life.

"When one door closes, another opens."

[newmama]

I just texted WH (he eventually called me) to ask why the paperwork was dated 5/14 but he just gave it to me. He replied:

"to be completely honest,going in and working on that paperowrk was the hardest and most emotional thing I've ever had to do. I just shoved everything in a folder and didn't want to look at it or deal with it after I was done. I know that doesn't make much sense, probably. I also felt like we were getting along fairly good and didn't want that to change, even though I knew I had to talk to you about it."

So I replied that I wasn't going to turn mean and nasty, but that he caught me off guard and I would have appreciated a heads up. I said that I had some other questions and wished we had some time to talk although I know he was busy working. Well, he called me.

He said "I'm sorry for springing that on you. I don't know how to do that kind of thing." ???

I said "well if it is something you want to do, then you just have to make yourself do it. But I haven't heard anything from you since 4/28 so I didn't know what was happening. I would have appreciated some information."

He apologized and said he sees how that would be hard.

Then I told him that I was shocked he was moving to my town with her. He said that he wanted to be closer to S and didn't want his visitation time to be taken up by driving in the car. I told him that since I was thinking of moving (the town would be closer to where OW lives currently), it would have been nice to know that he was planning on moving over here. He apologized. He said "well nothing is set...I'm not locked into anything."

I asked him if he was renting or leasing. He said it was a year long lease so he can move anywhere after that.

Then we discussed some other logistic stuff and he was just crying, telling me he wanted to be as fair (financially) as possible even though he knows the D isn't fair to me.

He said I could stay in the house as long as possible because the market sucks for selling it so we wouldn't get as much money if we sold it now. I just said I would know better what I wanted to do next year.

Just sharing.

[newmama]

Thank you all for your comforting words by the way! Really, the separation kind of made this transition to divorce easier I hate to admit. My life isn't going to change much. I will keep my last name for awhile and be "ms." instead of "mrs." I will talk to my principal about switching schools possibly for a fresh start.

Now I can call WH my exH. I didn't know what to call him when people had to ask me about him, like when I explained to the doctor that I caught my cold from...my "husband." Or the daycare people. I just called him "S's father."