Nothing fits

[mishka422]

Regarding trying to force counseling, I'd strongly suggest you put that idea on hold for a few months and revisit it after that.

Absolutely no forcing it, and I don't think I'll even bring it up until I see more forward moving steps from him. But I know that for me, I am going to need MC to address rebuilding trust and better styles of communication that may work for us. Just having a person talk with us and give ideas would be helpful for me. I don't know if Gabe will find it helpful, he hates talking about himself or his problems which is why the couple of times he tried IC he quit after one session because he was too uncomfortable and just clammed up.

The immediate task is to get very clear about the boundary regarding contact with OW -- it is NOT OK + he needs to take clear transparent steps to stop in from happening in the future.

Absolutely true. That is my HUGE sticking point. I've already told him that there can be no contact with her. Now I need to see the follow through on that. Is it best to just be totally blunt with him and tell him outright what I need to see happen?

i.e. - "Gabe, in order to move our R forward I need to know that you have no contact with the broom. In order to ensure that, I need you to de-friend her on FB, call her with me listening on speaker phone and tell her that you are building a new relationship and can not have any contact with her at all - no phone calls, text messages, facebook or email and no dropping in on your place of employment, and then delete her from your phone entirely. In order to acheive transparency I would like to have open access to your phone with no erased texts, access to your email, again without deleting your deleted messages, and access to your facebook account. I am not saying that I don't trust you, I am going forward in faith that you want our R to grow and to rebuild our trust fully, but these are the things I feel I need in order to begin that process."

What do you think?

See? And, I don't often hear you say things like "I feel really good." PAY ATTENTION. You did something for yourself that made your life better and it did not hinge on Gabe's reaction.

Absolutely paying attention. I was so scared to do that but I had to overcome my own fears and stand up for myself. Wow, that did feel really good. I just might be growing up a little!!! LOL.

I can't believe you didn't take advantage of the Ambien + apology to have wild, crazy, uninhibited, Ambien-fueled, makeup sex.

Oh, don't think it didn't cross my mind!!! I would have if I could have kept my head from spinning and making me feel sick to my stomach!! I didn't think throwing up on him would make a very good impression. Of course, I threw up all over his shoes when we were dating and I had horrible bronchitis that turned into pneumonia and he still asked me to marry him the next month.