i guess the reason why i am very suspicious is because forrest laid out the rules for me. one of which was "avoid him at all cost. if you think he's going to be there, don't go." ok. got it. however. we play at the same squash club. squash has been the one thing that has kept me sane throughout this so far. it's my 'happy' place. initially, when i showed up at squash, he'd see me, pack up his stuff, and then leave. after forrest laid out the ground rules, he no longer leaves. it's as if he knows that i'm supposed to avoid the place where he's supposed to be. so he shows up at squash but now, he doesn't leave when he sees me there. am i supposed to leave? i don't want to. but then i'd be breaking forrest's rule.
i want to stick to forrest's rules but i don't want to avoid squash just because he's there. i'm having trouble sticking to that particular rule and i'm really trying to 'do the work'.
i also believe he's aware of the cupcake idea. when i ran into him, he asked if there was a reason for my phone call. i mentioned other things but when i didn't talk about the cupcakes, he pressed "was there anything else?". i said no.
there is one thing that i see happening. you know how much fun i have playing squash. and i talk about how it's my happy place and i leave feeling good. i love being around my friends and i have a smile on my face. h is glum. hardly ever has a smile on his face. not friendly. and people are not drawn to him. but the other day, my friends were doing drills on the court and having fun. guess who asks to join in on the fun?
but then i'd be breaking forrest's rule.
