Thanks CityGirl. It's been quite a ride, and it's not over yet. Folks here say the real work starts with piecing. Crap.
Ha! I'm actually allergic to chocolate, so no chocolate Cheerios for me. I'll pick up a box for my kids though!
Some of my hardest decisions were those that tried to balance the advice I was getting from the people in my life, along with what I feel inside, and what I felt from her. You weren't wrong though. I still think I'd be better off if I had pushed through the D, or at least legal separation last year, like you and many others were advising me to do. I don't think it would have changed any of what's going on now, except it would have removed the stress of our lingering financial and custody issues.
Saw W this morning. She has a pinched nerve in her neck and had to take the day off from work to rest. She texted me and asked if I could stop over for a few minutes after dropping the kids at school. I picked up coffee for us both. She's in quite a bit of pain, and she was happy to see me.
After a few minutes she said "After our talk the weekend I found myself rubber banding. I thought there is no way we're going to be able to do this, it'll be too hard. But then when I remember how this feels, us being together like this, I come back to wanting it." I said "Yeah, I was doing a little rubber banding myself." She continued "I sort of panic, like there is no way I can do what it will take, no way I want to give up what I'm going to need to give up. When I think about being fantastic with you, like we said, then it all comes back and I want to do it." She paused and said "I'm going to have to be so aware, and so present with you about certain things. It's daunting, but it's worth it."
When she talked about what she's going to need to "give up", I don't think she was talking about OM, as that's already over. I think she was talking about her freedom. Like I said a few posts ago, I'm feeling the same trepidation. I worked hard to build my new life, and I've learned to enjoy my freedom. I'm hesitant to just give it up.
Funny, she did ask again if I'm dating anyone. I was evasive again, but eventually I said "No, I'm not dating anyone, but I do have people in my life you don't know, and a few of them are women." She reared back and said in an amused tone "A few?!" I joked "Yeah, I always have a few in my stable." I could see she was struggling with a bit of jealousy, but she used humor and smiled and said "I don't mind, I have something they don't have, I'm married to you." I replied "Yeah, and you have three kids with me."
Like v1olin said, nothing wrong with a little competition!
