And here I am .... H's MLC ....

[PEI]

Seeing as we're not in a place where we're 'working on us' and this is supposed to be time he's using for himself, I'm choosing to not dwell on it.
PEI

Esay to say, even easy to choose, hard to do.

.....that is to not dwell on it.

Sure is, but that's why I'm not snooping or digging for info. Any little thing that seemed off would send me into a tailspin, and I am choosing not to suffer. In a sense I guess I have the advantage of a whole lot less info than some, such as yourself. I have the whole "ignorance is bliss" thing going for me.

The intimacy thing seems like such a big step (not a baby step) in our sitches. And in a healthy M, intimacy is huge but in this sitch it is another baby step.....well maybe just a little bigger than a baby step.

I would agree that it certainly seems like a step forward in your sitch, in mine we've been intimate sporadically since the bomb dropped so I'm not sure what it means. That's why I can't dwell. It felt different leading up to it this time, as I described above ... the 'coolness' so to speak. I could easily drive myself crazy trying to guess at any of this. I'm learning to prepare for the worst and hope for the best (that's a poor paraphrase I know!). Talking to Eric last night he helped me to see that I need to be prepared to handle anything, decide in advance what I will do and how I will handle it. Life seems to always throw curve balls when you least expect them (such as finding the EA the morning after my 4 yo neices memorial service, and spending the night 'with' H) so I've decided to try to identify all the "what if's", decide on a course of action and then let it go. I don't want to carry them around with me and live in a negative, worst case scenario, doomsday kind of place (that is soooo not 'law of attraction' friendly!) but I do want to have some confidence in my ability to respond, instead of react, to whatever comes my way.

The frustrating thing is you want to see that next positive sign, you want to link one to another to another and just keep it going, build momentum. That is where the patience is required....soooo hard sometimes to wait for the next positive sign, thus the focusing on yourself and making yourself a better person.

Yep, I am so with ya on this one. The hardest part is not attaching any expectations or meanings to it. It is what it is. Everytime we have a fun family day or he initiates contact or we're intimate or he compliments me I want to jump up and down and scream "YES" ... see, here we go, we're on our way! That's not how it works. Time. Patience. GAL. Stop waiting for signs. They are what they are. I'm getting strong - for me, so I can be the best woman, mommy, friend and wife I can.

Peace
PEI