So I had what I thought was a great weekend with W. We went to a graduation for a relative of hers. 8 hour trip each way for a 3 day weekend. I got a room and upgraded the room with a Jacuzzi tub in the room. S loves to swim so much that in case we were to busy when the pool was open we could use the tub in the room. On the way up we stopped at a restaurant in my old college town to have lunch. We both love this place. All we could talk about was the good memories we had and the things we did. I took that as a good thing since at least she could remember the good times we had.
So we got to the room and W and S were so surprised and happy that I upgraded to the suite with the Jacuzzi. So straight down to the pool we went though after the long trip it was great. Spent a few hours down there and caught up with some of the relatives. We missed dinner with the family because we were late getting there, so we went to Hooters for dinner. We shared wings and 2 pitchers of beer and had a great time. I was flirting with W and the waitress like I used to. So we got back to the room and after the trip and the beer we were ready for bed. I mistakenly thought she would sleep in the "master" bedroom with me. I was so wrong and hurt because I had that assumption. She decided to sleep on the fold down bed with S. I was so disappointed, especially when she used the excuse that S would not sleep in the room by himself. To myself I was thinking, Well what the hell does he do at home. But I knew it was just a lame excuse. It hurts more than anything that we can have that great of a time and yet she is so repulsed by me that she cannot even sleep in the same bedroom.
Saturday was interesting. But in the morning W's parents pulled their normal treatment of W and did not call her or invite at least her on a trip to a vineyard before the ceremony. All of her family went to this and nobody asked her to go. She was crying so hard and said that they have been doing this to her her whole life. As far as the 20 years we have been together, they have. It is so sad. I gave her a big hug and said that I am here if she needs anything. She just cried a bit and we went on with the day. Her parents only contacted her 2 times the whole weekend. Her aunt contacted her almost 12 times. We went to the graduation and we had to follow W parents since we had no idea where it was. She called 4 times before they called back. It was like pulling teeth just to get them to contact her. We get there and we start walking to the pavilion at this park and W parents and her other aunt take off and leave W, S, MIL sister and I behind and it is a hug park and not sure where the pavilion is. So MIL is such a selfish bi!$% that she did not even wait on her slower 70 year old sister who has trouble walking. SO SAD. I sometimes hate W's family. But I did not say anything. W was complaining and so I just acknowledged what she said and agreed with her. After the graduation same thing happened almost. We did not know how to get back to where our hotel was. But as we were all taking pictures with the cousin, her parents and aunt took off without telling us. We did not know how to get back. She called them on the cell phone and asked where they were and if they could wait. They said I guess so and made a big ordeal about the whole thing. W was in tears again. She must have been hurting bad. So I hugged her again and said that we could use the phone to get directions if we had to and not to worry. Turns out that we got back to the cars before her parents and they were bitching for no reason. (PITA's) MIL asks if something is wrong, W says no until she closes the car door and tells me, what a stupid question and starts going off. I said, why don't you tell her that? She asked what would be the point, it would not change anything. I said you never know unless you try. She just shrugged it off. I wanted to say, if you would do that in life, tell the other person how you feel, our M would not be in the state it is in right now. No matter how bad she is hurting, she will not EVER say that something is wrong. That is why I do not even know where we stand now, she tells me nothing and I am done asking.
So Saturday night we get S to bed and W says, well you paid for the Jacuzzi, we need to use it. So it is in my part of the suite. She strips down and runs a bath and asks if I was going to get in too. I said if it is OK with you. She says yes and so we were at least in the same bathtub naked for 2 hours watching TV. I am not sure if this is a start or not. I was terrified to try anything since I just really enjoyed being with her and afraid if I tried anything that it would stop any progress. Any thoughts on this one? I just got a kiss and a hug after our bath and she slept in the other room with S again. Trip home was uneventful other than taking forever. I told her I had a great weekend and thank you when we got home. She said me too and went to bed.
I thought maybe we had turned a corner. Before we left I talked with W's aunt who was talking with A earlier. I told A how I was feeling and that I just want my W back. She said I know, you guys are good together, just give her some time and space and everything should be OK. But as Coach put it, I am a DAM. What does this mean? What does she want? what will time and space give her? I can't think like that. And how long? I love my W so much, but I am hurting really bad right now just as I think she is now. Most things we do together are great, like nothing is wrong. But then I cannot get close to her and hold her for fear of pushing her away. Right now she does not even like our S touching and hanging on her or snuggling, let alone me. I can tell she is hurting, I followed Coach's advice and asked her word for word the script she gave me and W said, Nothing. So I told her that I was here if she ever wants to talk.
As usual I gave her time to herself Monday after work. She did not come home until 10:15 again right after what I thought was a good trip. But, I was good. I did not ask what she was doing, as much as I wanted to know, or who she was with. But I think it is very very rude not to tell anybody where she is in case something happens. She knows S will not go to bed without her and that he needs to be in bed before 10. It makes me mad. But when she got home I said nothing and she did come in, sit down and give me a kiss. That was new. So I just do not know how to process this all. Any ideas ?
