May not have been the right time or way. But I found some new IMs on saturday and unloaded on the wife. Told her I was tired of it, she needed to make up her mind, she was having at least an EA, that i was not going to put up with it. Said we are through and it should not matter, but that it was not what it looked like. Told her BS, if she would take that energy toward our marriage we may have a chance. Said she had no feelings, there wouldn't be any feelings, blah, blah, blah. Later that night, sent her a text to let her know that we were at putt putt, so she wouldn't be worried about us. She sent a reply and I was in no hurry to reply, a min later she sent another asking could she invite herself. Told her that was up to her. Sleep in the bed that night with a new short nightgown on (wth). Sunday morning asked if we were doing anything 4th of July weekend, that she had plans, but didn't want us sitting at home. Told her, I was taking kids to the beach for the week like we had talked about. Asked in a few "are you getting a place big enough for all of us", I asked who's us, me and the kids. Said that if i couldn't get off all week, that she would come and split with me. Told her I planned on going for the whole week. Sunday afternoon, had made plans (not really concrete), said she would be home around 5 (took for mom to hospital to see sister), at 6 no show, called her, she called back at 630 and was like whats up, I said "I was seeing where you are, you said you would be here at 5, I have plans, you could have called. Said she didn't think about it, I told her that was the problem. When she got in, I left. She sleep on couch sunday night, very cold and distant monday. Monday night she sleep upstairs. D7 was up when I left this morn, told her mom was up stairs. Right after I left, W calls and says we need to work out a plan to let her know when I leave. Told her I told D7 where she was. W says it's not fair to them and we need to talk to them tonight. I just said I agree, it's not fair to them at all. So I guess, my kids will know tonight, that hurts. I'm tired, scared, pissed, hurt, confused, relieved, and nervous all at the same time.
H 38 W 34 M 7/98 Bomb 2/19/10 D 7 S 5 Still under same roof
That we are seperating/divorcing. I don't know that they need to know about the A at their age.
Children at 7 & 5 yrs of age do not understand all that trash. However, you need to be there as your "wife" explains to the children how "she" has chosen not to live together. Do not allow her to make it all sound as if this is a mutual agreement and all will be honky-dory. You have her to break the news to the children....but you make sure she tells it right!
But.....they aren't going to understand any of it anyway. That is the pitiful part of all this! All they know is that everyone seems to be unhappy and upset. Their world is turned over and they don't know why. They will need more love and more time with their father than ever before. You have to take a big gulp of air and be the man they need to walk before them. Forget about your nerves and fear and all of that (and I'm not saying this in a sarcastic way), and keep your love for them ever in your eyes and tone of voice. You keep things under control and in order, and do not allow tempers to flare before these babies.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
