Well, tomorrow is her birthday and I think I cam to a solution. I found a "bad realtionship card" but it seemed too apologetic (she's the one behaving like a 19 yr old); obviously a "birthday to wife" would be ridiculous. So, in keeping with a 180, I decided to simply send flowers (I never have; she used to say it was wasteful- but comments when she gets them from co-workers, etc) Simple "Happy Birthday, W. -R" Over dinner today, we were talking about meals for the weak and I asked what she wanted on her birthday. Ready? "I think I'm gonna go to my mom's" Really? on your bithday you will leave your 2 year old and I here and visit your mom? Me thinks the EA may be turning PA and now I'm furious. I did a lot of reading over the last couple days on this site (Thanks Coach, Greek, Puppy and Sandi2) and think I finally got my direction narrowed down only to be hit by this. I mean, I admit I've recently discovered I've been weak on boundaries (constant texting; phone calls are picking up and suddenly require solitude)and I am going to say something but thought I'd let the birthday go by to see if something shakes loose. But, these last few hours have been ridiculous. I know you get more callsnear your birthday but "if its a conversation that can't be had in front of me, it's inappropriate-period"
So, do I have someone follow her to get some film cause I'll need it for the papers I'll be filing sooner than I thought. I know everyone preaches patience but since the D conversation a month ago, though I see positives, the negatives are over the top and I'm feeling like a doormat. After the D conversation, I typed up a seperation agreement based on what we had discussed (no L's, Equitable split of assets, etc. All based on 'anything that adverseley affects the financial or emotional well being of our daughter will NOT happen")She doubted I wrote it; aske dwho helped. I showed her my handwritten notes. So she says she's not 'just signing" I said your supposed to read and we'll edit it so we're both satisfied. She says 'We're getting a mediator" I followed with "that costs money we'd be taking from our daughter' Her- "It's free" I looked. In Alberta it is IF either spouse makes less that 40K. Told her. And Seperation and divorce are two words not spoken since. But her behaviour continues to be erratic. Considerate, talkative and helpful. 30 miutes later something like a secret call; her rings parked convernientlt beside my 'daily' vitamins; and off to mom's on her birthday. Other than taking every opportunity to set boundaries (for both my self respect and shock effect), I'm ready to go ultimatum. My thoughts are- You weren't happy in our marriage. Me either. Difference was I am not prepared to quit. However, the situation we are in now is even worse. So you wanted to divorce the initial marriage. I'm ready to divorce THIS one. If you won't start it, I will. the choices are work with me to build a new one that satisfies both of us or we go our separate ways- except for the weekly turnover of our daughter." I could catch her in a PA, she would be toast. I'd have to borrow from family to offset the loss of her cheques for the bills but at least she'd be out of the house. Sorry everyone, and I know I'm asking for a lot, but I need to get on the true path as soon as possible. I feel like I get the theory but seem to waffle around on certain things. Sandi2- I'm trying to memorize your list from another thread. Thanks.
