Cause for alarm?

[OfficerInNeed]

How do I validate when W makes insecure comments about herself?

Usually I would tell my W it is wrong to feel that way because it is not true and then tell her that she is attractive. W would roll her eyes or give me a stupid look and say "well that's not how I feel" or "you made me feel like garbage for so many years"

This book I am reading has a formula the author developed that I should be adapted and my own words applied so it sounds sincere.

1. It sounds like (or, it seems) you....
paraphrase in a sentence r two what you partner's experience seems to be.

2. That must feel... Guess as to how such an experience must feel.

3. I'm sorry you feel...Guess as to what they're feeling.

I learned validation is not necessarily agreeing with what my W says but understanding that is HOW she views the situation and to validate her view point as crazy as it may be.

Wish I would had read and understood that before this morning when she threw the whole "you have an attitude line" at me again. Besides that (a rough start to the day) we has a pretty good day.