Having participated in Kat's thread about how long it has been since I have had sex (nine years and counting), it makes me wonder whether I should reevaluate my boundary of not being a "one night stand" type of person. To recount, W has been the only person I have had sex with (after going out on several dates and finding we really enjoyed each other's company) although there were a few instances before then where I could have "lost it" but I would not allow myself to go there. Shyness and timidity certainly played a part in that but I also believe that I wanted an emotional investment in the relationship - which didn't happen for me until W and I met all those years ago and something "clicked."
Maybe I'm overanalyzing things ...
Nine years, you're my hero! Now should you start nailing women just for the sake of nailing a woman? I say NO. You are who you are and go with that, nothing wrong with not having sex. it's way too overblown (uh, bad choice of words)in our society anyway. Besides, you still have the Palm sisters, right?
Gee - never been anyone's hero before so I have better not let it go to my head!
It's been a busy day. Got D to the meeting place for her trip - she's texted a couple of times and is apparently having a great time! Went to work for a bit after that then came back home to get S ready for this week's summer camp. W called when she arrived here and was very surprised I answered. I did let her know last week that I would be here - guess that didn't register. Now S is back at W's place for tonight so it is pretty quiet while I am enjoying a glass of pinot grigio and catching up on the threads here.
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Earlier in the week I got an e-mail from W detailing a visit to the old house that she took with a relator friend of hers and mentioning some of the relator's recommendations on what we need to do before putting the house on the market.
SURPRISE! Thanks for the advance word on the visit - which in W's case means not letting me know about it at all until after the fact! At first my thought processes were tinged with - then they went with more of an acceptance that W is more often than not going to be like this. On the one hand I am grateful that someone actually has seen the place since it has been over three months since I moved out.
W also let me know that it appears that the painters still haven't done anything - so I put in a call to the guy in charge. He called me back and was very apologetic about the lack of progress - his people have been tied up with a difficult customer who has kept adding additional projects for them to do. Since the relator had recommended a different type and style of paint for the interior, I told the painter that he had the OK to start work on the exterior and to wait on the interior until I have a chance to meet with the relator - which should happen next week.
With D being out of town on a field trip all week, it was pretty quiet when I had just S over for a couple of nights per our schedule. S had a camping trip this weekend but he backed out feeling a bit fatigued so no pressure and I left a message with W Friday afternoon. W called back a couple of hours later after a very contentious meeting at work and she was near meltdown. We arranged a time for her to pick up S after dinner. While S and I were getting groceries for dinner, I did buy W a bottle of wine figuring that she would need it - and she was appreciative when S and I gave it to her.
Well D is getting into town late tonight - W is going to drop the kids off before going to church tomorrow so my Father's Day plans are pretty fluid. But it will be a good one...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Well another Father's Day has come and gone. It was a pretty good one here and I hope that all of the other Dads (and Moms who have to shoulder both roles) had great ones as well!
W dropped the kids off at the Bobcave in the midmorning on her way to church. D was very happy to see me since she had gotten back into town late Saturday night. The kids gave me a couple of cards (one from them and one from the psychopups) along with three bars of different infusions of dark chocolate (good for the heart, natch) and something small for the kitchen. D also had a book for me that she bought on her trip as well as a plaque:
"We child proofed the house but they're still getting in."
The kids and I did go to a museum that none of us had been to in several years. It was somewhere W and I would take them when they were younger. I was concerned that it would dredge up some painful memories but I did have a great time just being there with the kids - W was not in my thoughts at the time. W did leave it to me if I wanted to keep them overnight but the kids said that they wanted to go back to her place - get back in the "every other weekend" routine. W was away so I drove them back - exchanged some more hugs and drove home.
It's rare that I have a whole day without kid contact but the kids had doctors' appointments this afternoon and W had already put in the leave time to take them. It's just as well given the rough time she has been having at work. Errands are done, the dogs have been fed and I need to start some dinner soon...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
Forgot to mention that I had an IC appointment on Monday - progress is going very well. I related how W's job is going through a meltdown and what I did to cheer her up - no expectations and because I chose to do this. IC related that I was spot on and to come back in about two months for my next appointment.
Today turned out to be more of a challenge that I thought but I handled it well. The setup: our cell phone provider was absorbed by another company about two years ago. Last year my cell phone would not pick up any signal - turned out the SIM card needed to be changed to one from the new provider and solved the problem. I was warned that W's and D's cell phones (same make and model as mine) would need the same treatment at some point so I told W about it immediately. At the moment, all three of our cell phones are on the same account - W is listed as the authorized person after asking last year to be the sole authorized person on the account.
Yesterday D's cell phone would not pick up a signal - so I knew what the problem was and how to solve it. D and I went by one of the provider's sales locations this afternoon to make the SIM card change - but since I was not an authorized person on the account, I could not make the change alone. So I called up W at work and asked her to contact customer service and temporarily authorize me to handle this. W called back and said that they attached a note to the account giving her OK to allow this. The person who was helping us said that that was not enough - that I had to be listed on the official account. So I called W back - and W said that she would handle it on her own.
I guess that W really has some very serious control issues...
D even commented on this on the way back to the Bobcave. I did not bring up the subject and it was all I could muster to not blast W then and there. I simply told D that W wanted to take care of this herself so it was now in her hands. End of story.
I never thought that I would be saying this but I will be so glad when there is closure for the kids' sake and mine. Since W has some real control issues as well as some coparent lapses, I will have to find a way to effectively deal with the aftermath of W's actions as well as focusing on those things that I can directly control. Time to put that old thinking cap on...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
D even commented on this on the way back to the Bobcave. I did not bring up the subject and it was all I could muster to not blast W then and there. I simply told D that W wanted to take care of this herself so it was now in her hands. End of story.
That's often the hardest part, not to badmouth the spouse in front of the children. I'm lucky, my kids do it well enough on their own without my help! Sadly, they're usually right on when they do!
It's been a busy last few days. Work was hectic as most of the staff will be taking all of next week off while a number of large maintenance projects get done. Some of us on salary in the lab will have Monday off as our holiday but we need our share of projects to get done. In addition to that, W and I met with the real estate agent concerning the house that we need to get sold. The agent is W's hand picked choice since she poo-pooed my recommendation over a year ago to go with someone that we both knew.
On Thursday, I got to the agent's office a few minutes before W did so I did have a chance to meet the agent and get a quick read on her. I mentioned that I regretted that I wasn't able to be there when the agent did the walk through but W did not inform me until after the fact. The agent said that she was sorry that communication was not better and I politely agreed. But the time did allow me to fill the agent in on what the painter that we had contracted was going to do in terms of repairs.
W got there a few minutes later due to heavy traffic and not having been to the agent's office before. I told W that I had problems as well finding the place as well so that put her a bit more at ease. The meeting went the better part of two hours as we heard the agent's evaluation of the house, how the market is doing as of late and starting a game plan to end the hemorraging of our finances.
The agent's goal is to get the house in the best shape that we can before officially listing it and pricing it competitively. The good news is that the price range our house fits in is still pretty active in spite of the overall economy. The bad news is that W and I will likely have to bring money to the table (by cashing the last of our 401K reserves) when the house gets sold - but I had steeled myself for this a long time ago.
During our meeting, W got a little bit emotional and said that she really did not want to have to go through bankruptcy. I vividly remembered nearly a year ago when W and I met with our daughter's IC and I brought up that very concern - and how W verbally lashed out at me and accused me of being overly dramatic.
After W said that at the agent's office, I replied that avoiding that fate would be a really worthwhile goal and left it at that.
So when it was all said and done, W and I signed with the agent. The agent is going to have an inspector come out to the house and based on that evaluation the three of us will come up with an action plan and get the ball rolling immediately.
Yesterday while I was finishing up at work I got a phone call from W. Her office was allowing people to leave early for the holiday so she offered to pick up the kids from this week's camp activities on her way home. Since this would be her weekend with them anyway, I would not see them until Tuesday so I made it a point to wish all of them a happy holiday weekend. W thanked me and did not say anything further.
I am beginning to really understand the comment on Stupid Romeo's thread and how it applies to my sitch as well...
So it has been pretty quiet here. I did invest in a new monitor to replace my aging CRT (went with a 20" widescreen that was on sale) as well as a device to transfer VHS tapes to my computer so that I can eventually make DVDs. W had left me with all of the tapes we took with our old camcorder during much happier times so this project will get done in dribs and drabs but it will get done. The yard at the old house got mowed earlier today and I do have to go into work tomorrow morning to tend to some instrumentation but no other plans beyond that. One of the local minor league baseball teams plays not too far from the Bobcave so I may go there tomorrow for the game followed by fireworks and just do my best to stay out of trouble...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
It actually was a pretty quiet holiday weekend - which in hindsight is a good thing. I was able to keep busy without the need (maybe desire) to seek out friends or family - to embrace the alone time and feel good about it.
But it's back to the real world now. The painters have finally started on the pressure washing before painting the exterior of the old house and an inspector is stopping by tomorrow to take a gander and provide an evaluation.
Not the progress that I sought for years. But now, the progress is welcome as I head towards closure on my M and the uncertainty that lies ahead. I will likely come out of this financially devastated but emotionally and spiritually a far stronger person than I have ever been - which will carry over to my relationship with my kids...
Me 52, STBEX 52 D 17, S 12 M 20 years Em Sep since 2002, Phys Sep Sept 2009
I I will likely come out of this financially devastated but emotionally and spiritually a far stronger person than I have ever been - which will carry over to my relationship with my kids...
- then they went with more of an acceptance that W is more often than not going to be like this. On the one hand I am grateful that someone actually has seen the place since it has been over three months since I moved out.
