The thing is, now that he is away, the system tells him if someone logged on from Greece. So he probably knows and that explains that there sint ONE single email from her in his account anymore. I am cool and not going to say anything while he is away. But I will when he comes back, and it cant be indirect. The question I will ask him is "would you feel comfortable if I was present during all your discussions with her?". I bet he wouldnt be. And that right there is a boundary I wont accept him crossing.
I am one of those women that arent jealous by nature. When I do get upset, it becomes ugly... K
Jealousy isn't fun that's for sure. I am learning that one too. Make sure you aren't all in his face and emotional about it. The message then gets lost and he just remembers you being upset. You want him to know what you expect and what is unacceptable to you.
hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
So talk to him about it. At the very least you can talk about your need for transparency and that you feel the need to periodically check on him, especially since the distance is making it harder for you to feel confident in your R? You don't have to confront him about those e-mails quite yet if you'd rather wait to talk in person.
Michelle - Proud DR Rockette S: 28JUL07, D'd: 29OCT09 http://tinyurl.com/27j9qo2
You know what? I wouldn't say a word about it to him. And if he accuses you of spying, I would deny it.
I wouldn't give up that valuable information source.
I agree with you, there is something flirty about those emails, although to me reading it, it seems more like SHE is flirting with HIM. She thinks he's too serious and he claims it's a defense mechanism, it MIGHT be a defense mechanism against flirty women he still has to do business with!
But I would keep checking (after he comes home! and preferably in a way he can't notice). One thing I have learned is that when my suspicions are aroused, I am usually right.
I too was NEVER the jealous type, and even when I took my H back, I wasn't jealous. In retrospect, I should have figured things out long before I did.
Well, he was flirting. But as I told a friend privately, if it was someone else I wouldnt consider it an issue. For HIM it sounds as flirting. BUT, he has shown me a part of his character lately I never knew existed, he is more confident at work, takes care of himself better, like if he has grown the last couple of years. So, this could be a side of his I am not aware of since I was always "away" from his work environment.
He commented I sounded in a good mood yesterday and I said I decided I can only control myself and that's what I am doing. He replied I control him as well and make him happy when I sound good. At some point I said I know what I want and I am not looking for boosts from "elsewhere". He said he knows what he wants too and feels the same way.
So, I am not telling him about the emails right now. And taking care of myself. And working on my confidence because I cant be feeling the sceond choice all the time. K
You know what, thats exactly what I was thinking.. that he may always have been charming/a bit flirty but also, business like with PA's/Marketing/Advertisers, but you just didnt know becuase you were never checking his work emails before, or paying as much attention then. And whilst for all of your marriage, bar ow, it was innocuous, maybe this is also.
And I am glad you are working on your confidence because you arent the second choice, even if you feel as though you are. In fact, you never were. I never did buy this "second prize" stuff that some cynics would post, because in fact, he never wanted to D you, he never cut ties with you, he never went public at all with ow and he never stopped loving you. Have you asked him that? I asked bf and he insists now that he never stopped loving me all along, looking back, despite sitting me down and giving me the IDLYA speech!
He may have left and had an R with ow..but its only when you have had time, months or years even to look back and reflect on things you have said/done in your life that you realise how you really felt. So, no, you were never really second best although its understandable that you would feel that you were.
I am calling you later !! Al xxx
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
I was in denial about my own "hunches", attributing it to unreasonable "jealousy". But it surfaced involuntarily sometimes in dreams (nightmares) and now I have living proof my hunches (or fears) had a real basis. So you do have to be looking over your shoulder and there's got to be checks and balances given all that you went thru'. I think jealously is when you want to possess something that's really not yours to have, but I think your spouse's fidelity is rightfully your concern. It is indeed disgusting and frightening to sense your spouse is unfaithful. And yes he revealed some serious hidden character traits/flaws which he must recognize and grow out of. When I said 'indirectly' I really meant in a way that would not cause you or him to loose your composure by getting into a heated argument.
Thanks mish. They would have to win argentina or get a tie (sp?) to have chances to go to the second round. If they do, then he will be home 4 days later. he is already gone 2 weeks on sat and distance between us get bigger evry day.
Work sucks and my dad isnt looking good. Also my doc found a lump on my breast last night. Nothing to worry too much about, he said, I need to examine it though.
Took the kids swimming again tonight. Planning to go to my friend this weekend outside of Athens. They have a pool and we'll spend the day relaxing. Take care guys, K
