NLT - the OW doesn't own you, your H, or your memories together, she can not kill anything. She wishes she had that kind of control and power. Only your H can kill his own feelings. She can say nasty things about you, but if she does, eventually he will defend you and that will be a negative to her.
I'm asking the following question out of pure curiosity and recognize this is still very far off if it were to ever happen.
Is there ever a time that the LBS should initiate a R talk or should it always be the WS? I'm asking this because my H is a very prideful and issue avoident man and I'm not sure he would ever come to me if and when he wanted to talk.
SA, I'm very eager to hear the responses on that one myself. Since I initiated the N/C.
ME: 54 Him: 51 M: 20 years T: 21 years OW/New wife: 36 Sons & Daughters: 7 (ages 24-36) Bomb: March 4, 2010 He Filed: April 28, 2010 I Contested: May 1, 2010 Standing Down: 11/24/10 Divorced : 05/04/2011
SA, I am curious about this too... because I do the N/C-dark thing for me, but then men can have such ego's that I think that might be too much for him... would love to hear what some of the long-timers here think...
I'm no vet, but my first thought re a response is that the LBS should only initiate a R talk if they are very prepared to live with the consequences and are ready to move something along.
If you haven't read it, I really like "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" ... some good tips and stuff in it.
Peace PEI
Holding onto anger to punish someone else, is like lighting yourself on fire to get smoke in their eyes ~ 25yearsmlc
My PH for the day: Was a chaperone for the day while we took the third graders for a field trip to a small theme park. Their smiles were contagious even through the rain. Kept so busy had no time to think of anything, but the joy of the children.
SA - Good PH today for you... children's happiness is contagious...hope that some of it has rubbed off on you
Quote:
Is there ever a time that the LBS should initiate a R talk or should it always be the WS?
SA you know your H the best, can't go blindly by some guidelines...listen to your gut feeling. I kind of feel that while there is still OW, nothing can change...if you see some solid signs that his R with OW is crumbling...that may be different....
M53 H54 D17 M33Y T38Y Bomb OW 09/09 OUT 10/09 BACK 11/09 OUT 01/10 WANTS TO R 04/10 BACK with OW 05/10 Wants to Reconcile 05/11 I said NO
