I decided to start a new thread, because things are so darn different. If anyone is sweet enough to be interested, read my ladt thread. I am married to an older attorney. I was very very in love with him, but we had a pretty shitty marriage. I was very demanding I guess.... needy, jealous. Some might say that was because he abused, belittled, ignored and generally hated me. I don't know why he married me. He said that I pressured him, and demanded a big ring. I say I wouldn't move in with him unless we were engaged. He wouldn't even look at me most of our wedding night and he seemed cold on our honeymoon. A few years into our marriage we got into it and he beat me severaly with a belt. I didn;t call the cops but i took pictures, which is why i think hes even being nice to me at all. I could put him in jail, make him lose his law practice, or file a civil suite. I do spend alot of time wondering what I could have done to make him love me. I guess i just didnt do the right things. He's been gone for three months and I'm heartbroken. I feel like the only reason he talks to me at all is out of fear of what I might do, but it feels so good to get kindness from him. All of my friends are begging me not to to talk to him, that he is playing with me, because if he can string me along until the statute for domestic violence falls off in one year i will get nothing for the divorce and have no leverage. I'm so lonely. i'm afraid and confused. I do have a life. No job yet, no school because it's summer. I go to spiritual stuff, even been on a few dates (since i was served with the papers, work out. I just miss him so much so i spoke with him and did something which i havent done in months.... i asked him to give us a try. I begged... But it kinda worked. He said he wanted to come over for a homemade dinner and a movie this monday. Now all my friends are begging me to cancel. asking me what is wrong with me. I'm so confused.... sandi, puppy.... help
i don't know. took care of me and got me gifts. and was nice to me sometimes. i don't know why I can't let go. daddy issues? plus, i believe in marriage. Should i not see him at all? not try to save this?
deep in my heart, the longer i stay away from him, the more i feel like he wasn't very good to me and most likely won't be. only now he thinks he can leave me, beat me and still have me grovel.
Looks like he was right -
Originally Posted By: abqbelly
I just miss him so much so i spoke with him and did something which i havent done in months.... i asked him to give us a try. I begged...
But it kinda worked. He said he wanted to come over for a homemade dinner and a movie this monday. Now all my friends are begging me to cancel. asking me what is wrong with me.
Originally Posted By: abqbelly
i don't know why I can't let go. daddy issues?
You CAN let go – maybe not emotionally yet, but you don’t have to let your emotions of the moment dictate your behavior. Emotional healing takes time. Staying away someone does not treat you right is a decision you can make right now. You will feel a little better every time you value yourself more than you value him.
I think you need a lot of time away from him to heal. You are worth so much more than the way he has treated you. Do you know that?
Are you in counseling to help heal your ‘daddy issues’?
I decided to start a new thread, because things are so darn different. If anyone is sweet enough to be interested, read my ladt thread. I am married to an older attorney. I was very very in love with him, but we had a pretty shitty marriage. I was very demanding I guess.... needy, jealous. Some might say that was because he abused, belittled, ignored and generally hated me. I don't know why he married me. He said that I pressured him, and demanded a big ring. I say I wouldn't move in with him unless we were engaged. He wouldn't even look at me most of our wedding night and he seemed cold on our honeymoon. A few years into our marriage we got into it and he beat me severaly with a belt. I didn;t call the cops but i took pictures, which is why i think hes even being nice to me at all. I could put him in jail, make him lose his law practice, or file a civil suite. I do spend alot of time wondering what I could have done to make him love me. I guess i just didnt do the right things. He's been gone for three months and I'm heartbroken. I feel like the only reason he talks to me at all is out of fear of what I might do, but it feels so good to get kindness from him. All of my friends are begging me not to to talk to him, that he is playing with me, because if he can string me along until the statute for domestic violence falls off in one year i will get nothing for the divorce and have no leverage. I'm so lonely. i'm afraid and confused. I do have a life. No job yet, no school because it's summer. I go to spiritual stuff, even been on a few dates (since i was served with the papers, work out. I just miss him so much so i spoke with him and did something which i havent done in months.... i asked him to give us a try. I begged... But it kinda worked. He said he wanted to come over for a homemade dinner and a movie this monday. Now all my friends are begging me to cancel. asking me what is wrong with me. I'm so confused.... sandi, puppy.... help
Abq,
Please think about this more thoroughly. I know how much it hurts, but these things are MAJOR red flags. Unless your H gets major therapy, I'd be extremely concerned that this behaviour would be repeated.
From my own experience, once this sort of behaviour starts, it continues to escalate. You are a young woman, is this what you really want for the rest of your life?
Please discuss this w/your T.
M & H: 40 M: 5.5 T: 7.5 OW: 7/09 Bomb: 9/09 Sep: 3/10 H files 7/10
thank you so much guys. i'm trying to get an understanding. i just feel so guilty, like if i had appreicate dthe things he did for me that he wouldn;t have resented me so much and we could have had a decent relationship. i feel like i destroyed our marriage.... how do i work through the guilt?
i'm trying to get an understanding. i just feel so guilty, like if i had appreicate dthe things he did for me that he wouldn;t have resented me so much and we could have had a decent relationship. i feel like i destroyed our marriage.... how do i work through the guilt?
No doubt you were not a perfect wife, no one is, but just because you aren't perfect doesn't mean that you deserve to be abused. Even if you weren't as appreciative as you might have been, your shortcomings as a wife do not even come close to his failings as a husband.
Didn't you say that he blamed his ex-W for all the problems in the relationship? Now, he blames you for all the problems in your marriage, right? How much responsibility has he taken for improving? Just because he blames you for everything, doesn't mean he is right.
Forgive yourself for your errors and take responsibility for improving yourself. Do not take on responsibility for HIS behavior.
ok dudess thank you. should i not talk to him for a while? should i try to detatch? he was supposed to come over for dinner tonight and i was thinking about just telling him i'm not feeling like it... should i ?
I don't see anything good coming out of having dinner with him tonight. Maybe you could text him (not phone) and say something came up and you need to cancel. Let him wonder what was suddenly more important than him. (YOUR well being of course. )
well he showed up with flower and we had dinner and watched a movie and cuddled. then he told me about this trip he has planned to utah to some drummer camping pagan party and i looke dthe even up on facebook and ofcourse tons of beuaitiful 21 year olds will be there.... i feel like an idiot
)